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Anne Lamott - Spiritual Fitness, Creative Process, and Redecorating the Abyss | The Tim Ferriss Show

Tim FerrissTim Ferriss
Howto & Style3 min read123 min video
Jul 19, 2021|42,453 views|648|55
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TL;DR

Anne Lamott discusses spiritual fitness, creative process, and radical self-care.

Key Insights

1

"Bird by Bird" teaches embracing "shitty first drafts" to overcome perfectionism and the inner critic.

2

Spiritual fitness involves being present in one's body, breathing, and not "tripping" into fear or anxiety.

3

Radical self-care, especially for people-pleasers, is a necessary practice for emotional and spiritual well-being.

4

Dark nights of the soul, though painful, are often crucibles for transformation and self-discovery.

5

Creative work and life itself require discipline, showing up, and owning your truth, even when difficult.

6

Integrating all parts of the self, even the "ugly" ones, is essential for wholeness and living authentically.

THE FOUNDATION OF 'BIRD BY BIRD': OVERCOMING PERFECTIONISM

Anne Lamott's seminal work, "Bird by Bird," profoundly impacts many by demystifying the writing process. Lamott emphasizes the importance of "shitty first drafts" as a way to combat perfectionism, which she identifies as the voice of the oppressor. The core message encourages writers to simply start, take it "bird by bird," and accept that early drafts will be imperfect. This approach, rooted in personal experience and her father's encouragement, helps readers overcome the fear of failure and the paralyzing critical voice, making the daunting task of creation manageable by focusing on small, achievable steps.

SPIRITUAL FITNESS: PRESENCE, BREATH, AND DUAL CITIZENSHIP

For Lamott, spiritual fitness is not about transcendence but about groundedness and presence. It means being in one's body, breathing, and avoiding the tendency to "trip" into fear, anxiety, or self-generated narratives. She describes having "dual citizenship," belonging to both the divine and one's flawed human experience. This involves recognizing predispositions like alcoholism or anxiety while also embracing one's spiritual nature. Accepting both aspects allows for a more balanced and integrated approach to life, where the human spirit and the divine coexist.

RADICAL SELF-CARE AS A SURVIVAL TOOL AMIDST DARK NIGHTS OF THE SOUL

Lamott's life has been marked by "dark nights of the soul," often stemming from childhood experiences of people-pleasing and absorbing family dysfunction. These periods of intense suffering, where conventional solutions fail, have catalyzed a need for radical self-care. She recounts significant turning points, like her sobriety in 1986 and a recent emotional breakdown, highlighting how hitting rock bottom can lead to profound breakthroughs. These experiences underscore the necessity of prioritizing oneself, a concept that contrasts sharply with her upbringing and learned behaviors.

THE WRITING PROCESS: DISCIPLINE, TRUTH, AND OWNING YOUR STORY

Lamott advocates for a disciplined approach to writing, emphasizing showing up consistently and working in "pods" of focused time, even when inspiration is absent. She stresses the importance of writing one's truth, encouraging writers to "own everything that's happened to you." This involves confronting difficult memories and experiences, even if it means confronting painful family history. Lamott's philosophy suggests that writing imperfectly and honestly is crucial for wholeness, allowing individuals to process their experiences, reclaim their narratives, and engage more fully with life.

INTEGRATING ALL PARTS OF THE SELF: WELCOMING THE INNER CRITIC AND MORE

A significant aspect of Lamott's work involves the integration of fragmented parts of the self. Guided by her spiritual mentor, "Horrible Bonnie," she practices welcoming and making peace with aspects of herself previously rejected or feared, such as her "inner Donald Trump" or her "inner Jane." This process, akin to Internal Family Systems therapy, recognizes that these "parts" often served protective functions. By offering them soup and acceptance, she moves towards wholeness and authenticity, embracing the full spectrum of her being, including her pioneering spirit represented by Amelia Earhart.

PRAYER AS A TOOL FOR KINDNESS, ACCEPTANCE, AND REMEMBERING DUAL CITIZENSHIP

For Lamott, prayer is a practical tool for navigating life, often expressed as a plea to "help me not be such an" – referring to judgmental or self-centered tendencies. It involves actively choosing to see the good, putting on "heaven's glasses," and practicing kindness and service. Prayer also reinforces the idea of dual citizenship, reminding her of her spiritual nature alongside her human flaws. This practice helps her to let go of control, embrace vulnerability, and recognize that life, despite evidence to the contrary, tends towards the good and offers care.

Anne Lamott's Wisdom: Writing & Self-Care Principles

Practical takeaways from this episode

Do This

Dedicate consistent time to writing, like 'butt in the chair' time, even if it's brief (e.g., 45-minute 'pods').
Practice 'shitty first drafts' and allow yourself to write badly; perfectionism is the enemy of creation.
Focus on small, manageable tasks, like writing one scene or passage, using the 'one-inch picture frame' technique.
Pay attention to your inner voice and characters, asking them what's at stake in your story to drive the narrative.
Embrace 'radical self-care,' making yourself a priority rather than taking the 'leftovers' in emotional or practical terms.
Consciously practice breathing and allow yourself to feel and express emotions like crying and rage, rejecting societal shame.
Unplug from external distractions (phones, constant activity) to allow for emotional processing and renewal.
Cultivate awareness of your 'K-F***ed Radio' (inner critic) and actively work to turn its volume down.
Tell your truth to safe individuals; sharing vulnerably can lead to laughter, connection, and healing.
Pray for awareness and to 'have the good pair of glasses on,' seeking compassion and presence rather than negativity.
Welcome disowned parts of yourself (e.g., 'inner Donald Trump') to your 'table' to create wholeness.
Remember that 'life tends and tilts towards the good,' fostering hope and a sense of safety amidst challenges.

Avoid This

Don't wait for inspiration; it's an illusion. Discipline and consistent effort are key.
Don't strive for perfection in first drafts; accept that all great writing starts unreadable.
Don't try to 'trick out' or 'redecorate the abyss' (avoid facing deep pain); transformation often happens in moments of lostness.
Don't succumb to people-pleasing at the expense of your own needs and priorities.
Don't let societal expectations or fear of judgment prevent you from showing up as your authentic self with all your 'funny' qualities.
Don't hold onto anger, judgment, or self-hatred; these create internal 'sheet metal' and pain.
Don't try to control others, even with good intentions; 'help is the sunny side of control' and can be harmful.
Don't assume God will give you more than you can handle; be honest about your limits to allow help in.
Don't censor your memories or experiences when writing; 'you own everything that's happened to you.'
Don't let dissociation become a default; work actively to reintegrate all parts of yourself for wholeness.

Common Questions

The core message is to embrace 'shitty first drafts' and to approach writing in small, manageable steps, or 'bird by bird.' This method helps overcome perfectionism and encourages writers to simply get words on the page without striving for immediate excellence.

Topics

Mentioned in this video

Books
Operating Instructions

One of Anne Lamott's best-selling books, an account of her son's first year.

Blue Shoe

A novel by Anne Lamott.

Love in the Time of Cholera

A novel by Gabriel García Márquez that inspired Anne Lamott's approach to titling her book 'Dusk, Night, Dawn'.

Help, Thanks, Wow

A book by Anne Lamott described as a celebration of prayer.

Imperfect Birds

A novel by Anne Lamott.

Dusk, Night, Dawn

Anne Lamott's most recent book, subtitled 'On Revival and Courage', which explores resilience through hardship.

The 4-Hour Workweek

Tim Ferriss's first book, which he struggled to finish and was aided by reading Anne Lamott's 'Bird by Bird'.

Marrow

A book by Elizabeth Lesser about her experience as a donor for her sister's blood marrow transplant, also mentioned for its theme of 'blurting it out as a path to healing'.

Almost Everything: Thoughts on Hope

Anne Lamott's previous book, which she toured to discuss hope, but found audiences feeling more despair due to global events.

One Hundred Years of Solitude

A novel by Gabriel García Márquez, mentioned in passing during the discussion of his other works.

Plan B

An essay collection on faith by Anne Lamott.

Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

Anne Lamott's classic book on writing, which helped Tim Ferriss and others overcome writer's block and self-doubt. It emphasizes writing 'shitty first drafts' and taking things 'bird by bird'.

Traveling Mercies

An essay collection on faith by Anne Lamott.

Rosie

A novel by Anne Lamott, likely referring to the same collection of her novels being listed.

Shapes of Truth

A book written by Neil Allen, Anne Lamott's husband, which focuses on taming the inner critic.

People
Freida Mock

Academy Award-winning filmmaker who directed the documentary 'Bird by Bird with Annie'.

Ramit Sethi

A friend of Tim Ferriss who also benefited from reading 'Bird by Bird' while writing his own New York Times bestselling book.

Paul Williams

Famed singer-songwriter mentioned for his powerful episode on the 'How to Human' podcast, where he discusses his Oscar win and its temporary effect on his self-worth.

Jessica Lange

The actress who starred in the 1976 remake of King Kong, whose character's love for King Kong was analyzed by Anne Lamott's son.

Amelia Earhart

A pioneering American aviator, who Anne Lamott refers to as her 'inner Amelia Earhart,' representing the brave, pioneering woman she has tried to express.

Robert De Niro

Actor in 'The Mission,' whose character's emotional transformation in a scene is highlighted by Anne Lamott.

Anne Lamott

The guest on the show, an author known for her honesty, empathy, and humor in discussing human experiences in her books.

Maya Lin

Architect of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall, who was the subject of an Academy Award-winning documentary by Freida Mock.

Donald Trump

Former U.S. President, whose presidency contributed to feelings of sadness and fear among Anne Lamott's audience and prompted her to find her 'inner Donald Trump' as part of welcoming all parts of herself.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Colombian novelist, whose work 'Love in the Time of Cholera' (and 'One Hundred Years of Solitude') inspired Anne Lamott's book titling and theme.

Ennio Morricone

Composer, whose soundtrack for 'The Mission' is widely recognized.

Hayao Miyazaki

Japanese animated filmmaker, director of 'Spirited Away', a favorite film of Tim Ferriss.

Emily Dickinson

American poet, quoted by Anne Lamott for her saying that 'hope causes the good to make itself apparent', reinforcing the idea of finding goodness amidst difficult times.

Kurt Vonnegut

Author of 'Welcome to the Monkey House', mentioned by Anne Lamott when discussing the human condition of often failing.

Duncan Trussell

Comedian and podcaster, quoted by Anne Lamott for his saying: 'when you first meet me, you meet my bodyguard,' relating to the surface-level interactions people often have.

Elizabeth Lesser

Mutual friend of Tim Ferriss and Anne Lamott, head of Omega Institute, who sent quotes from Lamott's new book and wrote a book about telling the truth.

William Blake

A poet, quoted by Anne Lamott for his line: 'We're here to learn to endure the beams of love,' highlighting the beauty and terror of accepting love.

Jeremy Irons

Actor in 'The Mission,' whose character runs a mission and helps Robert De Niro's character let go of his past.

Woody Allen

Filmmaker, whose movies Anne Lamott used to watch repeatedly but no longer enjoys, indicating a shift in her appreciation.

Bill Wilson

Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.), who a priest told that 'sometimes I think heaven is just a new pair of glasses,' a quote Anne Lamott uses daily.

Robb Wolf

Former research biochemist, two-time New York Times bestselling author of 'The Paleo Solution' and 'Wired to Eat', and co-creator of LMNT.

Sam Lamott

Anne Lamott's son, mentioned as a podcaster and significant figure in Anne's life and stories.

E. L. Doctorow

An author cited by Anne Lamott who compared writing to driving at night with headlights, only seeing a little way ahead but able to complete the journey.

Neil Allen

Anne Lamott's husband, author of 'Shapes of Truth', who works with people on taming the inner critic.

Kenneth Lamott

Anne Lamott's father, a writer who modeled discipline by writing every morning and taught her not to wait for inspiration.

St. John of the Cross

Spanish mystic and saint, associated with the theological concept of the Dark Night of the Soul, mentioned in the discussion about transformation.

Tom Weston

Anne Lamott's Jesuit friend who shared five rules of being human that helped her overcome shame, and a quote about creating God in one's own image.

Media
Rosie O'Donnell Show

A talk show where Anne Lamott appeared, an experience that led to her son's humorous comment about her speech.

The Godfather

A classic film that Anne Lamott lists among her favorite movies.

The Mission

A film starring Robert De Niro and Jeremy Irons, which Anne Lamott praises for a powerful scene about letting go of 'weaponry' and illusions of control.

Babe

A movie about a pig, mentioned by Tim Ferriss as a nuanced and hilarious film he plays in the background while writing.

My Octopus Teacher

A documentary film mentioned as a favorite by both Anne Lamott and Tim Ferriss.

Kong

The Jessica Lange remake of the film, watched by Anne Lamott and her son, prompting a profound observation from her son about love and loneliness.

Casino Royale

A James Bond film that Tim Ferriss plays in the background while writing.

A Prophet

A French film recommended by Tim Ferriss for its beautiful cinematography, brutality, and lessons about power dynamics in prison.

Bab'Aziz: The Prince Who Contemplated His Soul

An Iranian (Persian) film recommended by Anne Lamott as life-changing, a hallucinatory travelogue about life, death, despair, and renewal, with a profound impact.

Spirited Away

An animated movie by Hayao Miyazaki, listed by Tim Ferriss as one of his all-time favorites for its mesmerizing, fantastical, and deeply layered qualities.

How to Human

Sam Lamott's podcast, mentioned by Tim Ferriss as having an impressive episode with Paul Williams.

The Bourne Identity

The first film in the Bourne series, which Tim Ferriss also plays in the background while writing.

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