What's the advice for dealing with an ex who contacts you for sex but feels guilty afterward?

The advice is to encourage the ex to move on. If you don't feel guilty about the act, you might start feeling guilty about their guilt. The golden rule of dating applies: treat others as you would want your future partner to be treated.

When is the right time to settle down in a relationship?

You know it's time to settle down when you feel like it. Forcing oneself to settle can lead to resentment. It's important not to negotiate desire; if you're enjoying being single, it's not the time to settle just because you feel you should.

What does it mean to have the COMT met/met gene variant and how does it affect success?

The COMT met/met variant means you clear catecholamines and adrenaline more slowly, leading to a higher dopamine baseline. This can make you better suited for artistic pursuits or detailed work in stable environments, but potentially prone to overthinking in stressful situations.

What are the speaker's 'smallest hills to die on'?

The speaker would die on the hill that hold luggage is a scam designed to keep people poor and late. The other hill is that the most important part of a bed is the pillow.

Why did the podcast receive backlash after the Louie Therreau manosphere episode?

The podcast received backlash from both feminists and the manosphere, with some accusing the host of adhering to either side. The host acknowledges the difficulty in navigating these perceptions and aims to have balanced conversations.

How can men be incentivized toward internal work and emotional development?

Men are more likely to engage in emotional development if they see clear, beneficial outcomes. Creating therapy and growth models tailored to men, making them attractive and demonstrably beneficial, is more effective than guilt or shame.

How does a woman's personal growth and high emotional intelligence affect her dating prospects?

Asymmetric growth, where women surpass men in emotional intelligence and education, can make finding a compatible partner more difficult. This advanced emotional development can create a greater delta, leading to feelings of loneliness within relationships.

Is it acceptable to have a 'lonely chapter' focused on success, or should one balance youth and enjoyment?

It depends on age. While aggressive 'locking in' might be tempting at 19, balancing ambition with enjoyment and social life is important. A more focused 'grind' period in the mid-to-late 20s and early 30s can be highly effective for achieving success.

What is the speaker's perspective on alcohol consumption?

The speaker advocates for moderation rather than absolute abstinence. While he has completed long sober periods and found benefits, he believes alcohol can enhance experiences if used mindfully and that making it a crutch is detrimental.

Will the podcast feature more astronomy and physics guests?

The host expresses a strong interest in astronomy and physics and is open to featuring more guests in these fields, including potential future appearances by David Kipping and a round table with Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Key Moments

4.2M Q&A - Settling Down, Being A Feminist & Sleeping With An Ex

Modern Wisdom

People & Blogs6 min read87 min video

May 30, 2026|31,542 views|736|150

modern wisdom podcast chris williamson Chris Williamson modern wisdom modern wisdom podcast chriswillx Chris Williamson Modern Wisdom Podcast

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TL;DR

Chris Williamson leverages his 4.2M subscribers for a varied Q&A, shifting from deep dives to 'treat' group episodes, while acknowledging potential audience attrition.

Key Insights

Chris Williamson is experimenting with 'hang-style' group episodes, reminiscent of informal chats, as a 'dessert' to his usual serious, expert-led interviews to combat interview fatigue.

He intentionally avoids the 'beyblade' style of debate, preferring conversations with slightly differing perspectives that encourage mutual worldview development over 'verbal blood sport'.

Regarding exes, he advises treating them as you would want your future partner to be treated, citing the 'golden rule of dating' to encourage moving on from lingering entanglements.

He identifies with the COMT met/met genotype, explaining it as a potential contributor to his 'insecure overachiever/overthinker' archetype, influencing his preference for constructive dialogue.

Williamson admits to receiving intense backlash and being perceived as both 'manosphere adjacent' and a 'feminist apologist', highlighting his struggle to navigate polarized online discourse.

He believes that for women with high income, high EQ, and significant life experience, the 'tall girl problem' is exacerbated by asymmetric emotional development, potentially creating more friction in relationships than socioeconomic disparities.

Williamson confirms that bringing back 'Carnage traffic light parties' is a potential, albeit controversial and likely to be 'cancelled', solution to address the declining birth rate.

He emphasizes that his 'messy' hair is a result of natural growth and hair type, not a perm, and discusses his preferred haircut routine involving specific buzz cut lengths for balance and longevity.

Evolving the podcast format: from deep dives to 'treat' episodes

Chris Williamson celebrates reaching 4.2 million YouTube subscribers with a Q&A episode, openly discussing his shift in content strategy. He acknowledges that his highly produced studio has enabled more dynamic 'hang-style' episodes with multiple guests, which he finds fun and a welcome departure from the constant 'serious, meaningful conversations' that can feel like 'homework'. While still committed to his core content, he likens these group episodes to a 'dessert' or 'canapé,' offering a lighter, more entertaining experience. He admits this experimental approach might alienate some long-term subscribers who prefer his established format, but he prioritizes following his instincts and creating engaging, different content, especially in an era saturated with information and AI-driven advice.

Avoiding online slanging matches: the value of constructive debate

Williamson distinguishes his current approach to 'debate' and group discussions from the often adversarial nature of online arguments. He criticizes debates that devolve into 'verbal blood sport' where participants aim to 'fuck each other up' rather than reach consensus. Instead, he seeks conversations with individuals who have 'slightly differing perspectives on the same topic,' believing this allows for mutual 'worldview development' rather than just tearing down opposing arguments. He contrasts this with the 'Beyblade' model where everyone gets destroyed. This preference stems from his own 'nervous system' and a desire for more productive discourse, even in segments where guests might have differing views, he aims for them to build on each other's ideas.

Navigating relationship advice: sleeping with an ex and the 'golden rule' of dating

Addressing a question about an ex contacting him to sleep together, Williamson suggests a focus on the guilt associated with the act. He probes whether the guilt is from the person initiating or the person receiving, implying a deeper issue if the latter. He advises moving on, stating that if the ex feels guilty, it's likely a sign the situation isn't right for them. He extends this by introducing the 'golden rule of dating': 'treat every girl that you're with as if you were going to marry her,' or more practically, 'treat others as you would wish your next partner to be treated.' This encourages empathy and foresight, suggesting that lingering interactions with an ex can be detrimental to long-term relationship potential and personal karma.

The 'tall girl problem': emotional intelligence as a relationship barrier

Responding to a complex question about 'tall girl problems' and asymmetric growth, Williamson highlights the growing trend of women out-earning men up to age 32. He agrees that beyond socioeconomic factors, a significant gap in emotional intelligence and personal growth between partners can be more damaging to long-term relationships. He posits that while men might find it challenging to engage with emotional development, the asymmetry is more pronounced when women have undergone significant self-work through therapy and life experiences, making it difficult to connect with partners who haven't. He suggests that a lack of male-tailored growth models and incentives might contribute to this, advocating for making such development 'attractive and obviously beneficial' to men, rather than relying on guilt or pressure. He contemplates creating a 'Modern Wisdom listeners' dating organization to pre-select for shared interests.

Identity crisis in the public sphere: navigating polarization and backlash

Williamson candidly discusses the backlash received after his episode featuring Louie The XIII and his perceived identity. He explains how he has been labeled as everything from 'manosphere' to 'feminist,' 'right-wing bigot' to 'left-wing bluepilled cuck,' often within short periods. He recounts instances where he was criticized by one side, only to be criticized by the opposite side for the same perceived behavior. This constant re-labeling has caused him 'whiplash' and a 'neckache.' He asserts that he does not adhere to one side and will continue to have conversations with people he believes act in good faith, even if he doesn't agree with everything they say. He concludes that his show is for his audience, who understand his intentions, and he won't waste time explaining himself to those who misinterpret him based on clips or superficial judgments.

The COMT gene and the 'overthinker' archetype

Confirming he has the COMT met/met genotype, Williamson explains its implications: slower clearance of catacholamines and adrenaline, leading to a higher dopamine baseline. This makes him less adept at handling stress and returning to baseline quickly, unsuitable for high-stress roles but potentially beneficial for detail-oriented artistic pursuits. He relates this to the 'classic insecure overachiever, overthinker archetype,' where individuals have the capacity for overcomplication but choose not to in most areas, focusing only on those with high returns. He acknowledges that while beneficial, this genetic predisposition requires lifestyle adaptations, explaining why he avoids internet beef and confrontational debates, as his 'nervous system' is not built for it.

Smallest hills I'd die on: luggage and pillows, and a thought on Harambe

Williamson humorously shares his 'smallest hills': that hold luggage is a scam to keep people poor and late, and that the most important part of a bed is the pillow. He argues that hold luggage is rarely necessary unless for commercial purposes and that a good pillow is crucial for a restful night's sleep, regardless of the bed quality. He also briefly touches on the hypothetical geopolitical impact of Harambe's survival, suggesting a humorous but impactful ability to resolve conflicts, particularly in the Middle East.

The value of moderation in alcohol consumption and the pursuit of growth

Addressing his past advocacy for sobriety and his current moderate alcohol consumption, Williamson clarifies his stance. Having previously achieved 1,000 days of sobriety, he views it as highly beneficial for progress. However, he doesn't believe alcohol inherently ruins a night out, stating it 'can absolutely make your experience better.' The key, he emphasizes, is control and avoiding the feeling of obligation. He likens this to his prior decision to quit caffeine to avoid being dependent on external substances for energy. While still advocating for the benefits of not drinking, he is not an absolutist, acknowledging that alcohol can enhance experiences if consumed mindfully and in moderation. He notes that for many, progress is hindered by excessive drinking, symbolized by 'at the bottom of the glass.'

Mentioned in This Episode

●Products

●Software & Apps

●Companies

●Books

●Concepts

●People Referenced

Common Questions

Chris Williamson is introducing more casual group episodes as a way to have fun and experiment with new formats, feeling that constantly focusing on personal development can be tiring. These episodes are intended as 'dessert' or treats for the audience.

Topics

Neuroscience & the Brain Mindset & Self-Improvement Relationships & Communication Personal Development Relationship Advice Media Criticism Mental Models Dating Challenges Generational Differences Career & Skills Career Strategies Podcast Formats

Mentioned in this video

Companies

Gymshark

Mentioned as a company powered by Shopify.

Skims

Mentioned as a company powered by Shopify.

Aloe

Mentioned as a company powered by Shopify.

WHOOP

A wearable device that tracks sleep, workouts, recovery, and health span.

Shopify

The platform powering a significant portion of e-commerce, recommended for its checkout and business tools.

SpaceX

Mentioned in the context of Elon Musk's potential podcast appearance following its IPO.

Eight Sleep

A company offering temperature-regulating sleep technology, including the Pod 5.

Athletic Brewing Co.

A company producing non-alcoholic beers, recommended for those who want to avoid the negative effects of alcohol.

AS Colour

A brand of t-shirt blanks being considered for new merch, with specific model details discussed.

People

Bernie Sanders

Mentioned as a political figure who discussed birthrate decline.

Andrew Huberman

Mentioned as a co-guest on a fun hang-style episode.

Neil deGrasse Tyson