"Women Are Furious About This Research." Why New Dads Suffer In Silence - Darby Saxbe

Dad's daily direct parenting time has tripled or quadrupled compared to the 1950s and 60s. Millennial dads and Gen Z dads, in particular, are spending significantly more time with their children, indicating a dramatic generational shift.

Yes, fathers experience hormone changes, including a decrease in testosterone around the birth of a new baby. This drop in testosterone is often linked directly to their hands-on participation in caregiving, promoting pair bonding and reducing aggression.

Active involvement in caregiving tasks like picking up, caring for, diapering, feeding, and bathing the baby are key. These intensive interactions help attune fathers to their baby's needs and activate the mentalizing network, fostering empathy and problem-solving skills.

While early infancy is important, parents can form profound connections with children at any stage. Adoptive and stepparents often develop strong bonds, demonstrating that consistent effort and participation in a child's development, rather than just early infancy, are crucial.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that fathers taking testosterone supplements might experience reduced patience with the baby. The adaptive nature of testosterone usually involves a drop during early parenthood to foster nurturing, and overriding this biological mechanism could potentially interfere with caregiving behaviors.

Research indicates that when men have daughters, they tend to show a greater drop in testosterone, spend less time caring for their babies, and report more parenting stress and worse bonding compared to fathers of sons. This highlights a need for additional coaching for expectant fathers of girls.

Stress contagion is when partners influence each other's hormone levels, with linked cortisol levels observed in cohabitating couples. In parenting, if one partner is stressed, the other's stress can also increase, especially with relationship conflict, hindering recovery. Effective communication to calm each other can mitigate this.

Yes, new fathers can experience depressive symptoms, often referred to as perinatal depression, with a prevalence of about 10% (twice that of the general male population). This is linked to shared risk factors with mothers, such as stress, sleep disruption, relationship conflict, and hormonal changes.

Some argue that 'postpartum' should be reserved for those who have physically given birth, while others contend it's a gender-neutral term for the period after birth. The controversy often stems from concerns that acknowledging 'dad PPD' might detract from the struggles of mothers, yet addressing fathers' mental health is crucial for the entire family's well-being.

The speaker suggests postpartum depression may be an evolutionary-cultural mismatch. Humans evolved as cooperative breeders with extensive community support for child-rearing. Modern society often isolates nuclear families, undervalues caregiving, and lacks adequate paid leave, creating immense pressure that contributes to parental mental health challenges.

Give yourself grace, expect it to be challenging but transformative, and actively engage in caregiving. Recognize that men have the capacity to care and build empathetic brains. Avoid the myth that dads are inherently helpless and understand that consistent involvement is crucial throughout a child's life.