How did Jonathan Van Ness's mother normalize therapy for him?

Jonathan's mother actively sought therapy for him and the family, even when he was as young as five. This proactive approach made therapy a normal part of his life, for which he expresses profound gratitude, believing it saved his life.

What role did Eckhart Tolle's teachings play in Jonathan's healing journey?

Reading Eckhart Tolle's books, particularly 'The Power of Now' and 'A New Earth', helped Jonathan understand the concept of ego and the stories we tell ourselves. This provided a crucial introduction to meditation and stillness, offering clarity and healing.

How did Jonathan Van Ness cope with addiction and sexual compulsivity?

Jonathan struggled with drug addiction and sexual compulsivity, leading to significant consequences like contracting HIV. He sought help through rehabilitation and 12-step programs, adopting a harm reduction approach to his recovery.

What is Jonathan's perspective on hitting 'rock bottom' before finding change?

Jonathan believes hitting rock bottom is often a necessary catalyst for change, but emphasizes that 'every bottom has a basement,' meaning things can always worsen. He also notes that not everyone's rock bottom involves extreme consequences.

How did Jonathan Van Ness transition from hairdressing to a career in media?

An impromptu recap of 'Game of Thrones' for a client led to the creation of the 'Gay of Thrones' web series. This experience taught him performance, writing, and production skills, paving the way for his podcast and eventually 'Queer Eye'.

What does Jonathan Van Ness mean by 'authenticity is about vulnerability and boundaries'?

Jonathan defines authenticity not as a fixed personality but as the willingness to be open about one's needs and current feelings, even if it means setting boundaries or expressing a less-than-perfect state. It's about sharing your true experience in the moment.

What are the driving forces behind the current rise in transphobic narratives?

Jonathan attributes the rise in transphobic narratives to conservative think tanks using trans rights as a political wedge issue, amplified by negativity bias in media. These narratives often spread misinformation and fear-mongering.

Why is the concept of biological sex not a simple binary?

Jonathan explains that biological sex is a spectrum, referencing the existence of intersex individuals (part of the 'I' in LGBTQIA+). Many anti-trans bills specifically carve out exceptions for intersex children, acknowledging this complexity.

How can people be better allies to the trans community?

Jonathan argues that allyship shouldn't be seen as separate from oneself because transphobia affects everyone, impacting bodily autonomy and civil rights. He urges active participation in the fight against injustice, stating, 'an injustice anywhere is an injustice everywhere.'

What is Jonathan's current emotional state, balancing success with challenges?

Jonathan feels both grateful for his dreams coming true and frustrated by the current social and political climate, particularly transphobia. He is also experiencing grief over the recent loss of his sister-in-law.

Queer Eye Star Opens Up About Hitting Rock Bottom: Jonathan Van Ness

The Diary Of A CEO

People & Blogs4 min read74 min video

Jun 19, 2023|244,771 views|7,345|1,989

The Diary Of A CEO steven bartlett steve bartlett podcast the diary of a CEO podcast life lessons CEO gay of thrones queer eye jonathan van ness interview transphobia queer rights trans rights

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Key Moments

TL;DR

Queer Eye's Jonathan Van Ness shares personal journey from abuse and addiction to success and authenticity.

Key Insights

Trauma, including sexual abuse and bullying, significantly shaped JVN's early life and led to self-destructive behaviors.

Therapy and self-reflection, including exploring spiritual texts and 12-step programs, were crucial for JVN's healing.

Addiction, particularly to meth and sex, was a manifestation of JVN's underlying trauma and a significant challenge in his twenties.

Finding purpose and meaning, such as through caring for animals, can be a powerful catalyst for recovery and well-being.

Authenticity is a complex spectrum involving vulnerability, setting boundaries, and sharing one's full truth, not a binary state.

The rise in transphobic narratives is a significant concern, often rooted in misinformation and used as a political tool, with JVN emphasizing the importance of understanding intersex variations and advocating for LGBTQ+ rights.

ROOTS IN RURAL ILLINOIS AND EARLY HARDSHIPS

Jonathan Van Ness (JVN) hails from a broadcasting family in rural Illinois, born in 1987 during a pivotal time for LGBTQ+ history. His childhood was marked by his parents' divorce at age five, which he initially processed with a childlike detachment focused on material aspects like a ring. However, his stepfather, Steve, became a significant positive influence, teaching him about integrity and seeking help, despite a later struggle with addiction. JVN's early years were challenging, marked by feelings of not fitting in, widespread bullying, and experiencing sexual abuse, contributing to a constant state of 'fight or flight'.

PROCESSING TRAUMA AND FINDING ESCAPISM

JVN openly discusses his experiences with sexual abuse and bullying, acknowledging that these traumas have had a lasting impact. He explains that the stigma surrounding sexual abuse often leads to silence, making it difficult to address. Despite these hardships, JVN found moments of immense joy and escapism in activities like figure skating and gymnastics, which provided a vital sense of healing and comfort. This ability to find happiness alongside grief and shame is a theme he revisits, highlighting how these emotions can coexist and do not invalidate each other.

CLIMBING OUT OF ADDICTION AND DESPAIR

JVN's journey took a challenging turn in his early twenties when he moved to Los Angeles and began experimenting with drugs. His university experience was cut short due to poor grades and drug addiction, leading him into sex work to fund his habit. He describes hitting rock bottom, a period intensified by his stepdad's illness and death, and contracting HIV. This difficult phase prompted him to seek intensive rehabilitation and therapy, embracing a harm-reduction approach to sobriety and confronting sex addiction, which he notes is not formally recognized in the DSM but deeply impacted his life and relationships.

THE PATH TO HEALING AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE

A significant turning point for JVN was the discovery of spiritual and self-help literature, such as Eckhart Tolle's works, which introduced him to concepts of mindfulness and detachment from the ego. This period of introspection was crucial, although it was later overshadowed by his struggles with addiction. He emphasizes that healing is an ongoing process, not a destination, and that trauma can manifest in different ways as circumstances change. JVN's recovery involved therapy, 12-step programs, and eventually finding a supportive partner, though he notes that readiness to confront one's issues is paramount.

BUILDING A CAREER AND EMBRACING AUTHENTICITY

Starting as a hairdresser, JVN transitioned into media through 'Gay of Thrones,' a viral 'Game of Thrones' recap series. This unexpected success led him to explore performance, improv, and production, ultimately paving the way for his podcast 'Getting Curious' and, famously, 'Queer Eye.' He identifies resilience and an ability to find different paths when faced with rejection as key to his success. JVN believes that true authenticity involves sharing one's full truth, even when it's difficult, and challenges the notion of a perfectly 'authentic' self, viewing it instead as a spectrum influenced by socialization and lived experiences.

NAVIGATING PUBLIC LIFE AND ADVOCATING FOR TRANS RIGHTS

JVN expresses frustration with the current climate of transphobia, which he attributes to misinformation and political manipulation. He challenges common anti-trans narratives by highlighting the existence of intersex variations and the historical roots of transphobia in white supremacy. JVN criticizes the use of 'protecting children' as a pretext for limiting LGBTQ+ rights, arguing that such actions mirror historical oppression and impact everyone by eroding bodily autonomy. He emphasizes that true allyship means actively fighting against injustice because it affects society universally, not just marginalized groups.

Mentioned in This Episode

●Software & Apps

●Companies

●Books

●Concepts

●People Referenced

Common Questions

Jonathan Van Ness attributes his self-destructive era to childhood trauma, including sexual abuse and bullying, compounded by the pressures of being a queer child in a rural environment. These experiences led to deep-seated shame and heartbreak.

Topics

Sex Addiction LGBTQ+ Rights Transphobia Intersex Activism

Mentioned in this video

mediaQueer Eye

The reality TV show that brought Jonathan Van Ness widespread fame, a role he pursued after a long journey in the entertainment industry.

conceptIntersex

A biological variation where individuals are born with sex characteristics that do not fit typical binary notions of male or female bodies, discussed in the context of biological sex not being a simple binary.

personJonathan Van Ness

Queer Eye star who shares his deeply personal story of hitting rock bottom, overcoming childhood trauma, addiction, and public scrutiny, and finding his path in media and hair care.

conceptPACT therapy

Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy, developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin, focusing on creating secure functioning relationships.

personAlicia Roth Weigel

An intersex activist whose work and upcoming book 'Inverse Cowgirl' are mentioned.

personDr. Stan Tatkin

Founder of PACT therapy (Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy), mentioned for his theories on secure vs. insecure functioning relationships.

companyJVN Hair

Jonathan Van Ness's hair care brand, emphasizing his passion for creating effective and affordable products.

personFern Cotton

TV presenter and podcaster who shared her experience of living outside of her authentic self, leading to panic attacks, and finding success with her 'Happy Place' platform.

mediaGay of Thrones

A popular online video series created by Jonathan Van Ness for Funny or Die, which was an early step in his media career.

personSteve W

Jonathan's stepfather, who was sober for 28 years and served as a positive role model, teaching Jonathan about integrity and asking for help.

companyFunny or Die

A comedy website and production company where Jonathan Van Ness's popular 'Gay of Thrones' series originated.

softwareGetting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness

Jonathan Van Ness's podcast, which he started after gaining experience with 'Gay of Thrones', where he learned production and research skills.

companyBlue Jeans by Verizon

Sponsor of the podcast, offering video conferencing tools.

personBrittany Brown

Author whose quote 'can you talk about your trauma without becoming your trauma?' is referenced by Jonathan as a guiding principle in processing difficult experiences.

bookOver the Top

Jonathan Van Ness's first book, where he discusses his truth and asks readers if they would still love him knowing his full story.

companyHeal

A brand whose protein shake is recommended for its nutritional completeness and good taste.

supplementMethamphetamine