How can one overcome sexual trauma and dissociation during intimacy?

Healing sexual trauma often involves a combination of talk therapy, somatic release, and empathetic support. Susan experienced healing by documenting all past traumas and having them witnessed by a therapist, which helped her move through the pain and regain presence during intimacy. Attending sex workshops also played a crucial role in learning new skills.

How can couples rekindle intimacy when they feel disconnected, especially with children?

Starting with simple acts like holding each other helps generate oxytocin, counteracting stress. Open communication about desires, not expectations, and removing pressure from sex can lead to erotic play dates. Gradually re-introducing small, low-pressure 'offers' for intimacy can rebuild connection, acknowledging the challenges of raising children.

What is the 'Me Breath' technique for men and how does it help with premature ejaculation?

The 'Me Breath' is a body-based technique that involves a squeeze of the PC muscle, a 'cool draw' breath from Taoist techniques, and a pelvic rock. Practiced during masturbation, it teaches men to control arousal, effectively 'gassing and braking' to slow down ejaculation and increase ejaculatory choice.

Why is Yoni massage important for female pleasure and orgasms?

Yoni massage, focusing on the vulva and clitoral structures, is important because it increases blood flow to the female erectile tissue. This engorgement creates more surface area, sending stronger signals to the brain, which is crucial for deep pleasure and making intercourse orgasmic, especially since female arousal takes longer than male arousal.

What is an expanded orgasm and how can it be achieved?

An expanded orgasm, or 'Quantum gasm', is a sustained, intense, and deeply connected orgasmic state that can last 10-30 minutes or longer. It's achieved by slowing down, focusing on light touch and engorgement, allowing the nervous system to remain activated for longer, leading to a 'wave-riding' experience that can feel spiritual.

What specific pleasure products does Susan Bratton recommend to enhance sex?

Susan recommends products like Foria Melts (cocoa butter inserts with CBD for internal velvety feeling), Foria Awaken Arousal Oil (for external vulvar stimulation), and Foria Breast Oil (to enhance breast and nipple sensitivity for nipple orgasms). She also suggests various sex toys like the Pulse Queen, The Vibe, double vibrating penis rings, and 'The Digit'.

How does pornography differ from 'heart-connected passionate lovemaking' and what are its potential harms?

Pornography often focuses on friction and a male patriarchal view of sex, which Susan argues contrasts with heart-connected, sensual, ecstatic pleasure. While not inherently 'harmful' in all cases, a study cited suggests 96% of clips were degrading to women. She believes it can set unrealistic expectations, 'ruining the real thing' and can lead to addiction, especially for men.

What is the importance of STI testing, especially in non-monogamous relationships?

STI testing is crucial to prevent long-term negative effects from STIs. Susan, as an advocate for sexual exploration, emphasizes that doing STI testing (such as with at-home kits like Basis DX) before engaging in new sexual encounters beyond kissing is a non-negotiable caveat to ensure physical safety and peace of mind.

How can couples navigate disagreements about trying new sexual experiences or toys?

Open communication is key. If a partner is resistant, address their fears (e.g., 'Do you think it will replace me?'). Educate them about the potential benefits (e.g., new types of orgasms). Suggest starting with a 'sex life bucket list' to find mutually appealing activities, meeting them where they are comfortable, and gradually expanding.

Orgasm Queen: Do This For 20 Minutes Before Having Sex & Your Sex Will Feel Brand New!

The Diary Of A CEO

People & Blogs4 min read115 min video

Dec 5, 2024|5,629,229 views|127,972|12,444

The Diary Of A CEO steven bartlett steve bartlett podcast the diary of a CEO podcast life lessons CEO

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TL;DR

Expert Susan Bratton shares insights on improving sex, overcoming trauma, and exploring pleasure.

Key Insights

Sexuality is a vast landscape with many possibilities beyond common understanding.

Emotional and physical trauma can significantly impact sexual experiences.

Open communication, learning techniques, and exploring novelty are crucial for a fulfilling sex life.

Body image issues and societal expectations often hinder women's sexual confidence.

Ejaculatory control for men can be learned through techniques like the 'Me Breath'.

The 'expanded orgasm' is achievable with practice and a focus on sustained pleasure.

THE VAST LANDSCAPE OF SEXUAL ORGASMS

Susan Bratton introduces the idea that there are over 20 types of orgasms, challenging the common belief that there is only one or two. This vast potential is often unknown due to societal censorship and a lack of education. Understanding these possibilities is the first step toward unlocking a more fulfilling sex life, particularly for women who may feel limited by conventional understanding or personal experiences.

OVERCOMING SEXUAL TRAUMA AND DISSOCIATION

Bratton shares her personal journey, highlighting how childhood sexual trauma led to dissociation during intimacy. This dissociation prevents genuine connection and pleasure. Healing involves a combination of talk therapy, somatic release, and empathetic support. Her experience underscores that past trauma doesn't have to define one's sexual future, and the greatest wounds can become sources of strength and insight.

COMMUNICATION AND CONNECTION ARE KEY

A significant portion of sexual struggles stems from a lack of communication and understanding between partners. Many individuals, particularly women, believe something is wrong with them. Bratton emphasizes learning to communicate desires effectively, understand each other's bodies, and practice pleasuring techniques. This forms the foundation for a conscious, passionate, and heart-connected lovemaking experience, moving away from transactional or porn-like sex.

ADDRESSING COMMON MALE AND FEMALE CONCERNS

Men often inquire about erectile dysfunction and male enhancement, while women frequently express concerns about decreased libido and feeling unfulfilled or guilty. Bratton notes that for men, issues can be physical or related to shame about desire, while for women, it often involves feeling disconnected or believing they are not good partners. Both genders can benefit from learning specific techniques and addressing underlying psychological factors.

REIGNITING DESIRE THROUGH NOVELTY AND PLAY

Maintaining a vibrant sex life requires effort and a willingness to explore. Bratton advocates for 'erotic play dates' and introducing novelty, such as toys, new locations, or different forms of touch. This approach moves away from rote or mechanical sex, fostering excitement and preventing routine. The concept of a 'sex life bucket list' encourages couples to actively plan and engage in new experiences together.

UNDERSTANDING FEMALE AROUSAL AND ORGASMIC POTENTIAL

Bratton explains that female arousal is a slower process, often taking 20-30 minutes to achieve full engorgement and clitoral erection, contrasting with male arousal. Rushing this process can prevent orgasm. She details various types of orgasms, including extended and expanded orgasms, where pleasure can last for extended periods. This highlights the importance of sustained foreplay and learning techniques to fully explore a woman's orgasmic capacity.

TOOLS AND TECHNIQUES FOR ENHANCED PLEASURE

The conversation delves into specific tools and techniques, such as Yoni massages, vibrating toys, and arousal oils. Bratton also introduces the 'Me Breath' technique for men to gain ejaculatory control and discusses breast play and nipple stimulation as vital components of female pleasure. These aids are presented as tools to enhance connection and exploration, rather than mere replacements for intimacy.

NAVIGATING RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS AND CHALLENGES

Bratton touches on complex relationship dynamics, including the impact of infidelity and the exploration of non-monogamy. She emphasizes radical honesty, even when difficult truths emerge, such as her husband's affair. She advocates for addressing issues as a shared problem originating from a lack of knowledge, rather than solely blaming one partner. Therapy and open dialogue are presented as crucial for navigating these challenges.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SEXUAL DESIRE

Libido, desire, and arousal are distinct but often conflated. Libido relates to overall health, desire to self-perception and confidence, and arousal to the physiological response. Bratton addresses how factors like illness, negative self-image, and societal pressures can impact these aspects. She encourages individuals to address body image issues and reclaim their sense of desirability for a more fulfilling sexual connection.

PRACTICING MINDFULNESS IN SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS

Sex is framed as a mindfulness practice that requires presence and connection to one's body. This contrasts with the common tendency to dissociate or rush through sexual encounters. By focusing on sensation, breath, and connection, individuals can move beyond shame or pain towards pleasure. This mindful approach allows for deeper connection with oneself and one's partner, transforming sexual experiences.

Pornography, Masturbation, AND SEXUAL HEALTH

Bratton differentiates between passionate, connected sex and much of the pornography available, which she views as purely friction-based and potentially degrading. While not against masturbation, she encourages moving beyond porn-induced expectations towards authentic sexual experiences. She also stresses the critical importance of STI testing, especially when exploring multiple partners or engaging in new sexual experiences, advocating for proactive health measures.

BUILDING A LIFELONG JOURNEY OF SEXUAL EXPLORATION

Ultimately, sex is presented as a lifelong journey of learning and exploration. Bratton encourages self-compassion, continuous learning, and embracing novelty. She advises against comparing oneself to societal standards or past experiences. By focusing on safety, communication, and variety, individuals can cultivate a consistently fulfilling and evolving sexual connection that enhances overall well-being.

Mentioned in This Episode

●Supplements

●Products

●Software & Apps

●Organizations

●Books

●Concepts

●People Referenced

Susan Bratton's Pleasure Protocol Essentials

Practical takeaways from this episode

Do This

Dedicate 15-30 minutes for female arousal before penetration, focusing on Yoni massage and foreplay.

Practice the 'Me Breath' (squeeze, cool draw breath, pelvic rock) during masturbation to achieve ejaculatory control (for men).

Introduce novelty and variety into your sex life with erotic play dates and sex toys.

Practice radical honesty and open communication with your partner about desires, boundaries, and unmet needs.

Utilize specific products like Foria Melts, Awaken Arousal Oil, and Breast Oil to enhance sensation and connection.

Prioritize holding and being held to generate oxytocin and reduce stress, fostering connection.

Learn about orgasmic cross-training to explore multiple types of orgasms and pathways to pleasure.

Engage in regular STI testing, especially when exploring non-monogamous relationships.

Avoid This

Don't rely solely on intercourse; embrace a broader definition of sex that includes foreplay, oral pleasure, toys, and new locations.

Don't succumb to 'mercy sex' out of guilt; address underlying issues and communicate honestly.

Don't compare your sex life to external ideals (e.g., pornography, friends); focus on your unique connection.

Don't let body image issues or stress disconnect you from pleasure; practice mindfulness and self-love.

Don't rush female arousal; recognize it takes longer for women to become fully engorged and ready.

Don't expect your partner to magically know your desires; communicate what you want confidently.

Don't let the fear of discomfort or judgment prevent you from seeking sex therapy or trying new things.

Common Questions

Susan Bratton emphasizes heart-connected, conscious, passionate lovemaking, differentiating it from transactional sex or pornography. She aims to empower individuals to master pleasuring techniques, improve bedroom communication, and unlock their true sexual potential.

Topics

Sexual Education Orgasm Female Pleasure Sexual Trauma Non-monogamy Sex Toys Arousal Foreplay STI Testing Sexual Wellness Ejaculatory Control

Mentioned in this video

personJim Benson

Author whose program 'Multi-orgasmic Lover for Men' Susan publishes, designed to help men achieve ejaculatory choice and slow down.

personDr. Susan Bratton

World-renowned sex specialist and best-selling author of over 30 books and programs, known for empowering millions in pleasuring techniques, bedroom communication, and sexual potential.

bookSexual Soulmates

One of Susan Bratton's most popular books that emphasizes co-creating connection with a partner rather than finding a pre-existing 'soulmate'.

personDr. Patty Taylor

Susan Bratton's mentor who taught her about expanded orgasm techniques and encouraged her to 'step off' into deeper orgasmic experiences.

productSatisfyer heated vibrator

A sex toy that heats up, providing a warm sensation, and designed to enhance internal pleasure.

productDouble Vibrating Penis Ring

A sex toy designed for partnered sex, which goes around the penis and testicles, providing clitoral pleasure to the woman and perineal pleasure to the man.

productSatisfyer inflatable vibrator

An app-connected vibrator with a balloon-like end that inflates inside the vagina, offering unique sensations.

bookRadical Honesty

A book by Brad Blanton that Susan and Tim adopted as a practice to save their marriage by committing to complete honesty.

productThe Digit

A small, ring-shaped clitoral vibrator that is easy to hold even with lubed hands, designed to provide concentrated clitoral stimulation.

productBasis DX STI Kits

At-home STI testing kits recommended for use before engaging in sexual activity with new partners, especially in non-monogamous relationships.

conceptTantra

A type of sex workshop that Susan and her husband attended to learn new love-making techniques.

conceptErotic Blueprints

A framework developed by a sexpert (G-spot, though not explicitly named as such, the context strongly implies a person) that categorizes sexual archetypes; useful starting point for understanding sexual preferences.

programMulti-orgasmic Lover for Men

A program by Jim Benson, published by Susan, that teaches men ejaculatory choice using the 'Me Breath' technique to slow down and enhance pleasure.

supplementForia Awaken Arousal Oil

An arousal oil applied to the vulva, mons, labia, clitoral shaft, and tip to enhance sensitivity and "awaken" the Yoni.

bookThe Ethical Slut

A book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy that introduced the concept of Safety + Variety = Desire in non-monogamous relationships.

productThe Vibe

Another lay-on sexual tool that sends penetrating, pulsating pleasure into the Yoni.

organizationTime Magazine

Cited for an article and study indicating that 96% of sampled pornographic clips were degrading to women.

organizationHuman Awareness Institute (HAI)

An organization that offers workshops on sex, love, and intimacy, which Susan and Tim attended to improve their relationship.

personBrad Blanton

Author of the book 'Radical Honesty', whose coaching principles Susan and Tim adopted to improve communication.

productPulse Queen

A lay-on vibrating sexual tool that uses pulse plate technology to stimulate clitoral structures, mons, outer/inner labia, and vestibule.

supplementForia Breast Oil

An oil for breast and nipple pleasure, designed to enhance sensation and facilitate nipple orgasms.

supplementForia Melts (Cocoa Butter Botanicals with CBD)

Vaginal inserts made of cocoa butter, CBD, and other botanicals that melt to create a velvety, luscious feeling inside the vagina, enhancing arousal.

personDossie Easton

Author of 'The Ethical Slut', cited for coining the equation: Safety + Variety = Desire.

toolSpotify

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