What are effective strategies for online dating?

Sammy's approach involves scraping profiles, using algorithms to assess writing ability (e.g., filtering for profiles above a seventh-grade reading level), and employing a spam filter-like program to remove undesirable profiles. Optimizing your own profile with crowd-vetted photos is also key.

What are the key principles of a successful 'cold approach'?

Neil Strauss advises approaching within three seconds of spotting someone to avoid hesitation or making them uncomfortable. It's suggested to approach groups rather than individuals and to appear spontaneous. Focusing on neutral, entertaining questions can break the ice.

How can I get someone's phone number after a cold approach?

After asking your initial question and before leaving, use a 'way point' to ask another question out of genuine curiosity, such as how people know each other. Then, use a 'hook point' to find a legitimate reason to exchange numbers.

What makes a dating profile picture effective?

Data suggests photos with animals tend to get more clicks. While cliche, shirtless photos can also work. Looking away from the camera generally performs better than looking directly at it. Combining these elements, like a shirtless photo with a cat, can be highly effective.

What are the pros and cons of different dating methods?

Online dating offers high volume but potentially low yield. Cold approaches (like Neil's) offer medium volume and yield, with the advantage of seeing the person immediately. Matchmaking offers low volume but high potential yield, focusing on intellectual compatibility first.

Is it a good idea to invite multiple potential dates to the same party?

Inviting multiple dates to a single party, as the host did, can be an efficient way to interact with them and observe their interactions with friends. It allows for a broader assessment of compatibility and social dynamics in one event.

I Hired A Pickup Artist To Help Me Find A Girlfriend

Tim Ferriss

Howto & Style4 min read23 min video

Feb 15, 2024|577,381 views|15,272|1,095

tim ferriss 4 hour workweek 4 hour body 4 hour chef timothy ferriss entrepreneur author writer angel investor ferriss tim ferriss blog timothy ferriss speaker

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Key Moments

TL;DR

Tim Ferriss uses data-driven methods with an ""expert"" and a Matchmaker to learn dating.

Key Insights

Dating can be deconstructed into a measurable process using data and scientific approaches.

Online dating can be optimized by using data analysis to filter profiles and select effective photos.

Cold approaches require overcoming fear with immediate action and using pre-planned, non-threatening opening lines.

Matchmaking offers a personalized, intellectually-focused approach, bypassing initial visual judgments.

The effectiveness of dating methods varies per individual, emphasizing the importance of choosing the right tool for one's circumstances.

Combining elements from different dating strategies, like using data-informed photos with animals, can be powerful.

THE PREMISE: MAKING DATING MEASURABLE

Tim Ferriss initiates an experiment to tackle the complexities and frustrations of modern dating. Recognizing that dating has become increasingly difficult due to abundant options and personal insecurities, he aims to apply principles of accelerated learning and data analysis to the process. The core idea is to transform the nebulous goal of finding a partner into a measurable objective, believing that "what gets measured gets managed." To create real stakes, Ferriss schedules a cocktail party at the end of the week, requiring him to invite at least three women using the methods tested.

METHOD 1: HACKING ONLINE DATING

For the first approach, Ferriss partners with hacker Sammy, who applies his expertise to online dating. Sammy's strategy involves automating the process by downloading all profiles from a dating site and using algorithms to filter them. These filters assess writing ability (removing profiles below a seventh-grade reading level) and learn to identify undesirable characteristics, akin to a spam filter. This reduces a massive pool of profiles to a manageable number. Furthermore, Sammy utilizes services like OK Cupid's 'My Best Face' to analyze photos, revealing which ones are most effective and the types of people they attract, highlighting that characteristics like having an animal in a photo and looking away from the camera tend to perform well.

METHOD 2: THE COLD APPROACH

The second method focuses on in-person 'cold approaches,' a task Ferriss finds terrifying. Guided by pickup artist expert Neil Strauss, the strategy emphasizes immediate action, adhering to a 'three-second rule' to avoid overthinking and potential rejection. It's suggested that approaching groups is often easier than approaching individuals, as groups tend to be less guarded. Crucially, the approach should appear spontaneous, almost as if the person initiating it is hesitant. Openings involve neutral, entertaining questions, and the goal is to transition smoothly to asking for a phone number by finding a reason to exchange contact information, such as a follow-up question or an offer to meet.

TRANSITIONING FROM APPROACH TO DATE

Securing a phone number is a critical step after a successful cold approach. Ferriss learns techniques to transition from the initial interaction to obtaining contact details. One method involves asking a curious follow-up question right before leaving, creating an opening to exchange numbers. Another involves finding a "hook" – a reason to get the number, often related to the initial conversation's topic. This phase is described as feeling like being a "13-year-old all over again," highlighting the inherent nervousness and vulnerability involved, yet underscoring the importance of doing things that scare you.

METHOD 3: THE PROFESSIONAL MATCHMAKER

The third approach involves hiring a professional matchmaker, Amy Anderson of Links Dating, who caters to a tech-savvy clientele. This method contrasts sharply with the cold approach, focusing initially on intellectual compatibility and personality traits rather than immediate physical attraction. The matchmaker uses a set of curated questions and an in-person meeting to gauge compatibility, assess interaction styles, and understand deeper preferences, such as a specific sense of humor or physical attributes like rib cage size for dancing. While offering a potentially high-yield, low-volume approach, the main drawback is the limited sample size compared to online dating.

THE PARTY EXPERIMENT AND PHOTO ANALYSIS

The culmination of the experiment is a cocktail party where Ferriss invites the matches from his three methods. He also incorporates data from OK Cupid, testing a controversial photo combination: himself shirtless with an animal. The results reveal that while his top-rated photo wasn't the shirtless animal picture, the top photos were surprisingly effective, though not always as expected. The party strategy, inspired by experts, involves interacting with all potential matches simultaneously to observe their dynamics and see who he connects with, while also allowing his friends to provide a social filter and introduce him to new people.

CONCLUSIONS AND CHOOSING THE RIGHT TOOL

Ultimately, Ferriss concludes that dating and attraction are often counterintuitive and that data can indeed help navigate the process more effectively. He finds that no single method is universally superior; online dating offers high volume but potentially low yield, cold approaches provide medium volume and yield, and matchmaking promises low volume but high yield. The key takeaway is that the best method depends on an individual's current life circumstances, available time, and financial resources, emphasizing the importance of selecting the appropriate tool for the job.

Mentioned in This Episode

●Software & Apps

●Companies

●Organizations

●People Referenced

Dating Experiment Methods: Do's and Don'ts

Practical takeaways from this episode

Do This

Use data and metrics to quantify and manage your dating efforts.

Automate repetitive tasks in online dating, like profile scraping and filtering.

Optimize your dating profile pictures using tools and crowd-sourced feedback.

Approach groups of women rather than individuals, as they can be less defensive.

Seem spontaneous when approaching someone, almost as if you're the one trying to get away.

Use neutral, entertaining questions to open conversations.

Follow up your initial approach with a 'hook point' reason to exchange numbers.

Meet matchmakers for in-person assessments of compatibility beyond just looks.

Combine successful elements from different dating methods to create your own approach.

Avoid This

Don't rely solely on your own instincts for profile picture selection.

Don't wait too long to approach someone, as it can seem creepy or lead to hesitation.

Don't approach someone who is alone if they seem defensive.

Don't be afraid to use tools that are typically used for selling, as dating is also a form of selling yourself.

Don't follow someone in a way that seems like stalking.

Don't be overly reliant on visual information before making an approach (as opposed to intellectual compatibility).

Don't try to give attention to multiple women simultaneously at a party; commit to one to avoid burning out the connection.

Online Dating Profile Picture Ratings on OkCupid

Data extracted from this episode

Rank	Photo Description	Score (out of 100)
1	You with your shirt on writing	76
2	Shirtless photo with a cat	74

Common Questions

You can apply principles of accelerated learning and data analysis to dating. By quantifying subjective aspects like attraction and systematically testing different approaches, you can 'hack' the dating system, similar to how Sammy approaches online profiles.

Topics

Mindset & Self-Improvement Technology & Innovation Social Experiments Cold Approach Profile Optimization Attraction Science

Mentioned in this video

personMichael Jordan

Referred to as the 'Michael Jordan of hacking' in comparison to Sammy's skills.

mediaSilence of the Lambs

Mentioned as a comparison for the host's 'creepy' behavior of following a woman.

softwareOkCupid

A dating site used for the experiment, featuring a 'My Best Face' tool to rate profile photos.

personMarco Canora

Mentioned as a good friend of the host, likely connected to the restaurant industry.

companyLinks Dating

A matchmaking service based in Silicon Valley that caters to tech professionals.

personNeil Strauss

A 'pickup artist' and author who guides the host through the 'cold approach' method of meeting women.

personPeter Drucker

Management consultant quoted for his saying 'what gets measured gets managed', which is central to the experiment's methodology.

personAmy Anderson

A professional matchmaker from 'Links Dating' in Silicon Valley who caters to tech professionals.

softwareCraigslist

Mentioned as a potential platform for non-technical individuals to find developers for custom dating filters.

organizationASPCA

The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, where the host and Neil go to potentially take photos with animals for dating profiles.

bookGame of Thrones

Used as a cultural reference point to contrast with modern matchmaking, highlighting a more historical or fictional approach to arranged marriages.

locationBourbon & Branch

A cocktail bar in San Francisco where the host's final cocktail party experiment takes place.

toolMySpace

A social networking site that was shut down due to a fast-spreading computer worm created by Sammy.

softwareTinder

A dating app noted for its built-in chat feature, allowing quick communication after profiles are liked.