How do successful women with big jobs and families manage their time, according to Laura Vanderkam's research?

Laura Vanderkam's 'I Know How She Does It' study found that women in high-paying jobs with children often work between 40-50 hours a week, not 80. They frequently adapt their schedules, working earlier or later to be present with children in the evenings, demonstrating flexibility rather than continuous work hours.

What are the common traits of people who report feeling 'time-abundant' versus 'time-scarce'?

People who feel time-abundant tend to engage in more reflective activities like journaling, meditation, or yoga. They also spend more time interacting with friends and family, and incorporate novel, interesting activities into their lives, generating a more expansive subjective experience of time.

How can dual-income families with young children find time for personal pursuits?

A key strategy is the 'one night for you' rule, where each parent takes a solo night with the kids while the other pursues an out-of-home, committed activity. This provides dedicated personal time without needing external help, and fosters novel experiences, making the time feel more fulfilling.

What advice is given to a professor mom with three young children struggling to balance career and family?

First, acknowledge that having a nine-month-old is a temporary, highly chaotic phase. Consider switching childcare to a nanny, which can reduce illness from daycare and provide household help. Prioritize and protect fixed research hours, and temporarily pull back from non-essential collegial duties, as academic careers are built on research output.

How can an overworked engineer find time to study for a career change without a flexible schedule?

Tracking time for a week can reveal hidden pockets of alert time. Strategies include waking up earlier by going to bed earlier, utilizing short downtimes, or dedicating structured blocks of time on weekends by trading off childcare with a spouse. Finding process inefficiencies at work can also free up time.

Is it too late to switch careers in one's early 30s if feeling overwhelmed and unfulfilled in a current job?

It is absolutely not too late. Feelings of dread and paralysis suggest a deeper psychological issue or an unanchored approach to work, rather than just the specific job. Focus on building a 'Deep Life Stack' foundation first to gain control and intentionality before making major career decisions.

What are the challenges and solutions for working from home with a baby?

Working from home with an infant can be distracting, especially if a spouse is the primary caregiver. While temporary, the constant pull to help or play can hinder focus. Solutions might include renting external office space, or for dual-earner households, clear separation of focused work blocks from family time, potentially adjusting work hours to enjoy early evenings with family.

How can parents with many children make time with them feel more intentional and less reactive?

Approach family time with intentionality by planning small 'adventures' or activities in advance, such as a library visit or playground outing with another family. For larger families, consider hiring a sitter for younger children to allow parents to enjoy focused, higher-opportunity activities with older kids, making the time more pleasant.

What techniques help prevent over-committing and maintain a manageable workload?

Key strategies include planning the upcoming week on a Friday to assess workload capacity and triage new opportunities. Don't agree to future commitments you wouldn't be happy doing tomorrow. Design a 'realistic ideal week' to serve as a template for decision-making, allowing you to gracefully decline incompatible engagements and protect your desired schedule.

What is 'slow living' and 'seasonal time' from Japan's Edo period, and how does it relate to modern productivity?

During Japan's Edo period (1603-1868), 'slow living' meant careful resource use, and 'seasonal time' meant daily hours varied with daylight, dividing time into fixed units between sunrise and sunset. Cal Newport connects this to his 'Slow Productivity' philosophy, suggesting modern knowledge workers should embrace natural rhythms and varying work intensity throughout the year, rather than a fixed, unnatural pace.

Key Moments

Ep. 253: Making Time For What Matters (w/ Laura Vanderkam)

Deep Questions with Cal Newport

People & Blogs4 min read99 min video

Jun 19, 2023|14,192 views|278|24

Cal Newport Deep Work Deep Life Deep Questions TimblockPlanner Deep Questions Podcast laura vanderkam making time for what matters deep life stack

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Key Moments

TL;DR

Laura Vanderkam joins Cal Newport to discuss making time for what matters, exploring time management strategies like the Deep Life Stack.

Key Insights

The "Deep Life Stack" 2.0 redefines stages for a fulfilling life: Establish Discipline, Build Values, Create Calm through Control, and Plan for the Remarkable.

Time abundance is linked to engaging in activities like journaling, meditation, and social interaction, rather than solely focusing on work hours.

Making time for personal goals, even with a busy schedule, is achievable through strategic planning, like dedicating specific 'nights for you' and husband.

Hiring help, such as a nanny or babysitter, can be a valuable investment for parents to carve out time for work or personal pursuits.

Rethinking work-life balance involves viewing life as a 168-hour week and intentionally scheduling enjoyable, novel activities and social connections.

Working at a natural pace, akin to historical 'slow life' practices, is crucial for modern knowledge work, advocating for variation and rhythm over constant, uniform intensity.

REFINING THE DEEP LIFE STACK

Cal Newport introduces version 2.0 of his "Deep Life Stack," now featuring verb-driven stages: 'Establish or Re-establish Discipline,' 'Build a Foundation of Values,' 'Create Calm Through Control,' and 'Plan for the Remarkable.' This refined model emphasizes actionable steps and is designed to help individuals build a more intentional and fulfilling life by sequentially layering these foundational elements. The goal is to create a framework for understanding and integrating advice from various sources into a cohesive approach to cultivating a deep life.

THE DATA OF TIME ABUNDANCE

Laura Vanderkam shares insights from her research, particularly from 'Off the Clock,' indicating that individuals with a greater sense of time abundance engage more in reflective activities like journaling and meditation, and spend more time interacting with others. These participants also reported more interesting and varied activities, suggesting that a feeling of having ample time stems from how one utilizes non-work hours, rather than merely working fewer hours. People who feel time-scarce often neglect these enriching activities.

STRATEGIES FOR BALANCING LIFE'S DEMANDS

Addressing the struggle to balance career and family, Vanderkam advises implementing 'a night for you' for each parent in a two-adult household. This dedicated time, ideally spent outside the home on a commitment with others, transforms the perception of time and ensures personal pursuits are prioritized. She also highlights practical solutions like strategically employing childcare, such as a babysitter for a few hours a week, to unlock consistent blocks of time for focused work or personal projects, as exemplified by a professor's success in securing research time.

NAVIGATING CAREER AND FAMILY CHAOS

For a professor overwhelmed by three young children, it's advised that the first year with a new baby is the most challenging and that this chaos is temporary. Her advisor's statement about accepting mediocrity is challenged as unrealistic for most ambitious women. Recommendations include considering a nanny over daycare to reduce illness, protecting dedicated research hours, and temporarily scaling back on non-essential collegial service. This approach allows for progress on career goals while managing the intense demands of raising a young family.

CARVING OUT TIME FOR CAREER TRANSITION AND STUDY

An engineer seeking to transition roles emphasizes the need to track time to identify pockets for studying new skills. Suggestions include utilizing mornings by going to bed earlier, or dedicating specific weekday afternoons after work, provided spousal agreement. Weekend trading-off, where one partner studies for several hours while the other manages childcare, is also proposed as an effective strategy. Process-oriented improvements at work, such as streamlining material requisition forms, can also free up valuable time.

RETHINKING WORK AND LIFE'S RHYTHMS

Cal Newport posits that a 31-year-old engineer feeling overwhelmed and behind younger colleagues may have a broader issue with how work fits into his life, rather than the specific job itself. He suggests the 'Deep Life Stack' to build a foundation of discipline, values, calm, and purpose before making career changes. Additionally, the concept of 'slow productivity,' inspired by Japan's Edo period, highlights the unnaturalness of a constant, unvaried work rhythm and advocates for embracing seasonal variations in work intensity, aligning with the 'Create Calm Through Control' stage of the Deep Life Stack.

INTENTIONAL PARENTING AND WORK-FROM-HOME CHALLENGES

Working from home with a baby presents unique distraction challenges. While renting an office is an option, Newport suggests even temporary solutions like working from the car or library. For parents of multiple children, intentionality is key; simple planned adventures can make time with kids more enjoyable. For parents with demanding jobs or many young children, bringing in external help, like evening nannies or utilizing older neighborhood teenagers for childcare support, can be crucial for sustainability and well-being.

ESCAPING OVERCOMMITMENT AND FINDING VISION

To combat overcommitment and lack of vision, it's recommended to plan the upcoming week, identify capacity, and be resolute in saying 'no' to non-essential opportunities. A powerful heuristic is to avoid committing to anything in six months that you wouldn't do tomorrow. Additionally, defining an 'ideal week' provides a clear template for decision-making, ensuring that new commitments align with desired personal and professional priorities, thereby protecting personal time and preventing the schedule from becoming overwhelming.

Mentioned in This Episode

●Products

●Software & Apps

●Companies

●Organizations

●Books

●Concepts

●People Referenced

Time Management Strategies for a Deep Life

Practical takeaways from this episode

Do This

Establish or re-establish discipline with a few seed disciplines to build confidence in making progress on hard things.

Build a foundation of values, including a personal code, rituals, and routines to clarify what matters in your life.

Create calm through control by gaining control over your time, obligations, and workload, using 'essentialism' to cut unnecessary commitments.

Plan for the remarkable by intentionally overhauling different areas of your life to make them 'worthy of remark' rather than merely functional.

Dual-income families: Dedicate one 'night for you' per adult each week for personal pursuits, preferably out of home and with a commitment to others.

For intense periods (e.g., having an infant), adjust expectations and protect core responsibilities, even if it means temporarily reducing other commitments.

Track your time for a week to understand where your hours truly go, identify inefficiencies, and make data-driven decisions.

Design a 'realistic ideal week' to visualize how you want to spend your time, informing decisions about new commitments.

When considering future commitments, ask if you would agree to do it tomorrow; if not, it's likely not worth it.

Avoid This

Don't rely on ambiguous 'time slivers' for critical deep work; instead, schedule protected, consistent blocks.

Don't let others (e.g., schedulers) take full control of your calendar if you value specific structures and rhythms.

Don't assume large, high-paying jobs require 80+ hour work weeks; data suggests often much less.

Don't internalize negative messages about balancing career and family; seek strategies that work for real people.

Don't neglect social interaction and novel activities; these contribute to a richer, more abundant perception of time.

Don't believe there's no time for personal pursuits in a dual-income family without extensive paid help; smart time-sharing can open up significant opportunities.

Don't overcommit to collegial duties if you're in a demanding life phase like having a new baby; prioritize critical career outputs.

Don't assume early 30s is too late to make a significant career change; it's often a time of re-evaluation.

Don't expect the chaos of having an infant to last forever; challenging early stages are temporary.

Don't think working from home with a baby means ignoring the child's needs; clearly delineate roles or consider external office space if focus is impossible.

Common Questions

The Deep Life Stack is Cal Newport's framework for intentional living, consisting of sequential layers: Establish Discipline (re-establishing ability to do hard things), Build a Foundation of Values (defining core purpose and routines), Create Calm Through Control (managing time and workload), and Plan for the Remarkable (overhauling life areas to be noteworthy). It helps individuals build an intentional life by progressing through these layers.

Topics

Time Management Mental Health & Psychology Human Performance Mindset & Self-Improvement Deep Work Productivity Career Development Work-life Balance Intentional Living Parenting Strategies Slow Living

Mentioned in this video

Companies

My Body Tutor

An online coaching program by Adam Gilbert, designed to help individuals achieve health and fitness goals through daily check-ins and personalized plans, addressing the challenge of consistency.

Blinkist

An app that provides 15-minute summaries (blinks) of over 5,500 non-fiction books and podcasts, useful for triaging reading choices.

Ladder

A 100% digital life insurance solution that offers instant approval for coverage up to $3 million, with no doctors, needles, or paperwork.

Magic Leap

A mixed reality technology company, mentioned in the context of Kevin Kelly's interactive journalism.

Media

Deep Questions

Cal Newport's podcast about living and working deeply in a distracted world.

Before Breakfast

Laura Vanderkam's daily podcast offering short tips to improve one's day.

Scroll

The online publication where the article 'How Japan became an Exemplar of sustainability over centuries of self-isolation' was found.

Products

Commuter Collection

Rhone's clothing line, highlighted for its comfort, breathability, flexibility, wrinkle-release technology, and anti-odor features, suitable for long, active days.

Organizations

MIT

Massachusetts Institute of Technology, mentioned as Cal Newport's doctoral institution, noting its distinct academic regalia color scheme.

Dartmouth College

An Ivy League research university in Hanover, New Hampshire, where Cal Newport will be a Montgomery Fellow teaching a course on writing about technology.

Books

The Most Important Piece of Career Advice You Ever Heard

An article by Cal Newport that prompts individuals to reflect on their desired lifestyle to guide career choices.

Tranquility by Tuesday

A book by Laura Vanderkam that provides practical time management rules, including the concept of 'one night for you' and strategies for protecting deep work time.

The Name of the Wind

A fantasy novel humorously attributed to Brandon Sanderson by Cal Newport, acknowledging it's actually by Patrick Rothfuss.

Slow Productivity

Cal Newport's philosophy of productivity based on three principles: doing fewer things, working at a natural pace, and obsessing over quality. It advocates aligning work rhythms with natural human patterns, similar to the seasonal time in Edo Japan.

I Know How She Does It

A book by Laura Vanderkam based on a time diary study of women with demanding jobs and children, examining how they managed their 168 hours per week.

Best of Both Worlds

Laura Vanderkam's podcast, where she discusses strategies for integrating work and life effectively.

People

Adam Gilbert

Founder of My Body Tutor, an online coaching program for health and fitness, known for his focus on consistency.

Kevin Kelly

An author cited as an example of interactive journalism, traveling to places and trying tools as part of his writing.

Cal Newport

Host of the 'Deep Questions' podcast, discussing deep work and deep life concepts. Also a non-fiction writer and professor.

Neal Stephenson

An author cited for tracing fiber optic cables for his writing, illustrating personal encounters with technology that involve physical action.

Brandon Sanderson

A fantasy author humorously mentioned as receiving Cal Newport's personal cell phone calls.

Commodore Perry

An American naval officer who forced Japan to reopen to the outside world in 1868, ending the Edo period.

Laura Vanderkam

Author of nine books on time management, focusing on making time for what matters, especially balancing career and family. Known for her evidence-based approach using time diaries.

Jia Tolentino

An author mentioned for her personal essay approach to technology, specifically her piece on 'Instagram Face,' reflecting on personal thoughts and experiences.

Software & Apps

Blinkist Connect

A promotional feature by Blinkist allowing users to share their premium subscription with a friend at no extra cost.

Study Hacks

Cal Newport's blog where Adam Gilbert used to provide fitness advice.

Concepts

Bushido code

A samurai moral code emphasizing honor, loyalty, and self-discipline, which emerged or consolidated during Japan's isolationist Edo period.

Instagram Face

A concept discussed in a piece by Jia Tolentino about the psychological impact of technology and its influence on self-image.

Samurai

A class of Japanese warriors who followed the Bushido code, gaining prominence or cultural significance during the Edo period of isolation.

Deep Life Stack

Cal Newport's philosophical framework for cultivating a deep life, comprising sequential layers: Establish Discipline, Build a Foundation of Values, Create Calm Through Control, and Plan for the Remarkable.

Locations

Japan

A country that underwent a long period of self-isolation known as the Edo period, during which it developed sustainable lifestyle practices.