Key Moments
The Space Between: Where We Find Our Truth and Power | Hannah Greenwood | TEDxWarwick Salon
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Key Moments
The space between stimulus and response is where our true power and growth lie, but we must embrace uncertainty and our 'shadow' aspects to access it.
Key Insights
The 'fertile void,' or the space between defined concepts, is a crucial area for creativity and accessing one's 'shadow' self, which includes rejected aspects like anger or vulnerability.
Swallowing anger, rather than expressing it healthily, can lead to depression, passive-aggression, and a victim mindset, often observed in backstabbing and trolling behaviors.
Healthy anger is akin to the 'lioness' or the Statue of Liberty – assertive and boundary-setting, not aggressive or uncontrolled.
Authentic leadership hinges on self-awareness and integrating one's 'shadow' to wield power constructively, avoiding 'bad darkness' associated with control and abuse.
Detached involvement, a skill taught to therapists and leaders, involves simultaneously being immersed in an experience while maintaining a 'helicopter view' for better decision-making.
Intuitive intelligence, once dismissed as 'women's intuition,' is now recognized as a vital guide for imagination, hope, and making one's best decisions, requiring training for discernment.
The 'fertile void' as a source of richness and transformation
The speaker introduces the concept of the 'space between' various objects or ideas, drawing from a drawing made by her niece. Initially, this space was seen as damage or emptiness. However, through the lens of Gestalt psychotherapy, this 'nothingness' is recognized as the 'fertile void'—a place of uncertainty and the unknown. While it can be frightening, leading to the 'busy fool syndrome' of filling it with noise to avoid stillness, trusting this space allows access to profound creativity and richness. This void is likened to a field left fallow, regenerating nutrients. It is within these voids that individuals can begin to access their 'shadow' aspects—parts of themselves they reject due to shame, such as anger, envy, or vulnerability. The 'fertile void' is presented not as a place to fear, but as a fertile ground for self-discovery and growth. This concept is central to understanding how we can move beyond rigid mindsets towards more expansive ways of being. Embracing this uncertainty is presented as a prerequisite for unlocking deeper personal power.
Integrating the 'shadow' for personal power
The 'shadow' refers to the rejected aspects of ourselves that we are ashamed of, such as anger, envy, vulnerability, or sadness. These are often denied or projected onto others. A key indicator of accessing one's shadow is an overreaction or irritability to certain situations. However, the shadow also contains aspects of personal power, charisma, and inner light that individuals may be shy about or have not been allowed to own. The psychological task to become healthy and empowered involves bringing these shadow aspects into the light, transforming them into 'gold dust' through alchemical transformation. This integration is crucial for unlocking one's full potential and developing a stronger sense of self.
Understanding and transforming anger
The speaker shares her personal journey with anger, a significant aspect of her shadow work. Conditioned from a young age to be a peacemaker and smooth over emotions in a family with high IQ but underdeveloped EQ, she learned to swallow anger. Swallowing anger, she explains, is dangerous and can lead to depression, passive-aggression, and a victim mindset, manifesting in behaviors like backstabbing and trolling. Such behaviors stem from feelings of powerlessness. While societal awareness of anger is warranted due to generational patterns of aggression, healthy anger is possible. The speaker contrasts destructive anger with assertive, clean anger, exemplified by the Statue of Liberty or the 'lioness' protecting her cubs. This healthy anger is not aggressive but calm, rooted in self-respect, boundary-setting, and a recognition that anger can be a necessary tool for self-defense. This realization was vital for her transition into leadership roles, where inner power and authority were essential.
Authentic leadership and the wise use of power
Leadership, the speaker's current field, is fundamentally about power. Power itself is neutral, an energy that is either used for good or bad. The choice lies with the individual, much like the decision between being Luke Skywalker or Darth Vader. Authentic leadership requires self-awareness and the work of integration, facing oneself to use power wisely. 'Bad darkness' is characterized by rigid, controlling energy, often found in abusers who refuse self-reflection. In contrast, 'good darkness' is the rich, fertile void that enables growth. The evolution of leadership increasingly emphasizes starting with oneself and understanding the impact of power, urging leaders to make great decisions by entering the space between stimulus and response.
The 'champion mindset' and detached involvement
Making great decisions requires a 'champion mindset,' which involves 'detached involvement.' This is a skill, taught to psychotherapists and now leaders, enabling simultaneous engagement in an experience ('being in the arena') while maintaining a 'helicopter view.' This means being present and feeling what's happening, but also having the capacity for broader perspective-taking and making sense of the situation. It's described as emotional intelligence at its best, allowing for a conscious pause between stimulus and response. This pause enables 'bendy time'—a moment to stretch, think, and choose the best response rather than react impulsively. This ability to create space allows for more considered and effective actions, preventing the 'bullets' of life's challenges from dictating outcomes.
Intuitive intelligence as a guide
The space between stimulus and response is also where our power to choose lies, leading to growth and freedom. This space allows us to listen to our inner voice and intuitive intelligence, which serves as our greatest guide, imagination, and hope. While 'intuition' was once relegated to 'women's talk' in corporate settings, it is now increasingly recognized as 'intuitive intelligence.' It requires training, not just in interpreting data, but in discerning and applying this inner wisdom. This internal guidance is where individuals find their truth and make their best decisions. The speaker highlights that while emotions, instincts, and cognition are innate, intuition needs to be honed for skill and discernment, much like any other learned discipline.
A personal awakening through unexpected challenges
The speaker recounts an experience in Mexico with the London Business School, where a fixed, anxious mindset due to logistical issues (training materials not arriving) prevented her from seeing the beauty around her and connecting with others. A quote from a participant, 'Patience is bitter, but the fruit of patience has the sweetest taste,' prompted her to pause and enter the space between. This shift changed her perspective and energy, allowing her to connect and experience creativity. That evening, she witnessed male executives sharing mystical experiences and myths, a departure from typical corporate talk, which deeply impacted her. This week marked the beginning of her 'Alice Through the Looking Glass' trajectory, letting go of rigid mindsets and embracing new possibilities, a process that takes continuous effort and involves navigating many 'curveballs.'
Continuous evolution and self-acceptance
Key learnings from 18 years of evolving include the understanding that life is a continuous evolution, and one is never 'done.' Self-acceptance of imperfections and the journey to 'own and love the fullness' of oneself is paramount, recognizing that one doesn't need to be a 'good girl' to be loved. This journey reveals the creativity, wisdom, and richness found in the unknown and the space between. Integrating all aspects of oneself, even the challenging ones, leads to a greater capacity to understand and love others. True connection and intimacy stem from this self-work, emphasizing that authentic connection with others can only begin once we start connecting with ourselves.
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Finding Truth and Power in the Space Between
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Common Questions
The 'space between,' as discussed in Gestalt psychotherapy, is referred to as the fertile void. It's the gap between stimulus and response, a place of uncertainty and the unknown that can be scary but is essential for growth, choice, and connecting with one's inner voice.
Topics
Mentioned in this video
The speaker, a psychotherapist and leadership coach, shares personal stories and psychological concepts.
His quote about the space between stimulus and response is used to encapsulate the video's theme.
Mentioned as an example of someone who might go into 'bad darkness' versus Darth Vader.
Mentioned as an example of someone who might go into 'bad darkness' versus Luke Skywalker.
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