Key Moments
The cursed blessing of being uncoacheable | Lamiae Abouzid | TEDxENCGA
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Key Moments
Being 'uncoachable' is a 'cursed blessing' that requires deep integrity and a willingness to learn from everyone, not just those you agree with.
Key Insights
The author was labeled 'uncoachable' because she questioned why 'no' answers required justification while 'yes' answers did not, challenging the norm of agreeable responses.
Organizations often fail to cultivate a mindset of questioning and learning from past failures, echoing Einstein's quote about expecting different results from the same actions.
The author advocates for a strategy of doing what's asked, then presenting a better alternative as a backup plan, a tactic that proved effective but could still alienate others.
Antifragility, as described by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, means not just enduring stress but getting better from it, a concept the author tested by limiting resources and tightening deadlines, leading to increased productivity.
Learning from people you dislike is a key strategy to overcome cognitive bias and detach emotions from rationality, allowing for objective evaluation of information.
The distinction between learning and being coached is crucial: learning is acquiring a skill, while being coached involves being told what to do with that skill, which can impose the coach's limitations.
Challenging norms and questioning assumptions
The speaker, Enit Abu-Zaid, describes her experience of being labeled 'stubborn' and 'uncoachable.' She recounts a classroom incident where students were asked to justify their negative feedback on a display change but not their positive feedback. This sparked her fundamental question: why is 'no' justification required, but 'yes' is not? She argues that this practice stifles genuine opinion, as people might simply agree to avoid hassle. Her upbringing, influenced by lifelong learners like her father and siblings, instilled a deep curiosity and a desire to understand the 'why' behind things, a mindset that often clashed with conventional expectations.
The conflict between inherent curiosity and corporate culture
Abu-Zaid shares her early career experiences where her desire to improve processes by learning from past mistakes was met with resistance. She observed that corporate organizations often do not foster a culture of questioning or learning from failures, despite the adage attributed to Einstein about not expecting different results from the same actions. As a young employee, she learned the strategy of fulfilling directives precisely and then presenting a superior alternative as a backup plan. This approach proved effective, often saving projects, but she acknowledges that even when helping, presenting a better way could still annoy people and did not guarantee likeability.
Understanding the 'unseen' problems and resource allocation
A significant challenge highlighted is when managers encounter team members who, despite explanations, still don't grasp concepts like brand coding or contemporary art. Abu-Zaid posits that a crucial part of learning is accepting one's own ignorance. Instead of endless conflict, she learned to be honest about her guidance capabilities, contingent on the other person recognizing a problem. This led her to become more understanding of her own 'unknown unknowns' as a manager. She emphasizes the importance of learning to allocate resources wisely—time, money, connections, creativity—acknowledging that a resource, even oneself, might not fit a particular box and could be frustrated by trying to force it.
Embracing antifragility through adversity
The speaker introduces Nassim Nicholas Taleb's concept of antifragility, which goes beyond resilience to describe systems that improve and grow stronger when exposed to stress and volatility. Abu-Zaid personally experimented with this by deliberately limiting her resources and tightening deadlines, pushing herself to see if she would improve or crash. To her surprise, she thrived, realizing that comfort had made her weaker. This period of restricted resources forced her to be more productive, spending eight hours cutting fabric out of necessity, and refilming content until it was right. She concludes that facing your flaws and pushing your limits is essential for growth.
Detaching from bias and learning from everyone
Abu-Zaid defines being 'uncoachable' not as rejecting all advice, but as critically evaluating it and not idealizing mentors. She stresses the importance of detaching emotions from information to learn from people one dislikes, overcoming cognitive bias that prevents objective listening. She notes that even respected researchers can publish contradictory work, forcing one to question motives or accept intellectual evolution. As a researcher herself, she doesn't expect her audience to accept her statements as gospel but rather to be challenged and seek their own information. This detachment is key to maintaining integrity and admitting when one is wrong.
The difference between learning and being coached
A core distinction is drawn between 'learning' and 'being coached.' Learning, in Abu-Zaid's view, is the acquisition of a skill, which can be done through self-study, books, or online resources (even from someone with a non-native accent). Being coached, however, is being told what to do with that skill or who to be, which can limit an individual to the coach's own constraints. She uses the example of a marketing coach limiting business models to resources the client may not have, or pushing for influencer status when it's not relevant. True professional development, she argues, should equip individuals with the core skills and strategy to navigate their own path.
Navigating the 'lonely path' and the future of work
Being uncoachable is acknowledged as a potentially lonely path, often leading to friction because one requires others to think more deeply and can be perceived as a hassle. It can also make others uncomfortable if they feel their knowledge is being questioned. However, Abu-Zaid frames this as a 'fun' part of the process, provided one is true to themselves and their methods. She also touches on the future of employability, particularly for her generation, urging them not to rely solely on AI but to learn fundamental skills from scratch. She advises focusing on strategy over purely technical tools to remain valuable in a rapidly evolving job market.
Mentioned in This Episode
●Books
●People Referenced
Common Questions
Being uncoachable means you question advice, even from mentors, and don't blindly accept what you're told. It's about having your own filtering system and integrity, not about being lazy or unwilling to learn.
Topics
Mentioned in this video
The speaker, a PhD student, professor, and marketing consultant, who was labeled 'uncoachable'.
Author of the book 'Antifragile', whose philosophy on getting better with stress is discussed.
A character from the TV show 'Suits', quoted for his approach to hard work and being uncoachable.
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