What if I lack the confidence to set big goals?

Instead of aiming for a huge, seemingly unattainable goal, focus on smaller, achievable steps that feel good right now. Celebrate these mini-wins, as they compound over time to become big wins. The goal should be on the way to your desire, rather than the desire itself.

How does manifesting actually work?

Manifesting is always happening based on the energy and beliefs you put out. If you emit frantic energy, you attract frantic experiences; if you put out high vibes, you get high vibes back. It's about showing up with the best attitude and radiating positive energy consistently.

Why do people lose their excitement and joy in life?

This often stems from core beliefs formed in childhood, such as 'I'm not good enough' or 'I'm unlovable.' To protect themselves from these difficult feelings, people develop patterns and behaviors that disconnect them from joy, leading them to believe they are not worthy of it.

What is Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy?

IFS is a therapeutic approach that involves befriending the different 'parts' of yourself, rather than shunning them. These parts often stem from childhood experiences (exiles) and develop as protection mechanisms (protectors) throughout life.

How can I recognize different parts of myself?

Identify parts by noticing beliefs, patterns, or behaviors you feel ashamed or frustrated by, or those you constantly manage. These can be addictive parts, managers, or extreme protectors that create chaos or feel like they 'take over'.

What are the four steps of the IFS check-in practice?

The four steps are: 1. Check-in: focus your attention inward when triggered. 2. Curiosity: ask the part what's going on and how it feels. 3. Compassion: ask the part what it needs. 4. Check for 'Self-energy': notice if calm, clarity, or connection emerges.

How can I set boundaries effectively?

Effective boundaries come from self-compassion and self-energy. By regularly practicing the 4-step check-in, you develop an inner parent who can protect you. This self-awareness allows you to clearly state 'This isn't for me' or 'I'm going to step away' without rage.

Why is it important to do your own healing before coaching others?

The emphasis is on first healing yourself and coaching yourself before influencing others. A young life coach, for example, should teach from their own journey and wisdom gained from personal healing, rather than creating content based on assumptions.

What is the difference between couples therapy and individual therapy?

Ideally, a person should have both individual therapy with their own therapist and couples therapy with a separate therapist. This provides dedicated support for personal issues and relationship dynamics. However, if resources are limited, individual work is a strong starting point.

Is AI a reliable tool for self-help or advice?

AI can be a useful tool, especially when resources are limited, offering specific and up-to-date information. However, there's a risk of AI making users seem 'right all the time' and over-reliance can be dangerous. It's crucial to use AI consciously and not replace real human connection and self-awareness.

What does Gabby Bernstein mean when she says she's psychic?

Gabby Bernstein defines being psychic as the ability to 'hear spirit' and channel through writing and words, often working with 'higher guides' for people's highest purpose. She notes that a thinner veil to the spiritual realm allows for this connection.

Key Moments

Stop Spiraling: The 4-Step Check-In That Resets Your Mind | Gabby Bernstein

Codie Sanchez

People & Blogs6 min read67 min video

Jan 22, 2026|46,304 views|1,344|90

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Key Moments

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TL;DR

Gabby Bernstein shares a 4-step check-in to manage negative thoughts and build inner peace.

Key Insights

Prioritize your energy and well-being to attract more effectively, rather than striving constantly.

When spiraling, acknowledge and 'wrap up' negative thoughts, then focus on the 'next best feeling thought'.

The Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach helps befriend and heal 'parts' of yourself that hold you back.

A real boundary comes from self-compassion and inner connection, not defensive posturing.

Manifesting is about the energy you put out; attracting your likeness through high-vibe energy.

Self-energy, characterized by compassion, calm, and courage, is key to healing inner parts and relationships.

THE FOUNDATION OF ATTRACTING ABUNDANCE

Gabby Bernstein emphasizes that true attraction and success stem from prioritizing one's own energy and well-being. Constantly striving, reaching, and feeling thirsty can paradoxically block desired outcomes, creating a 'hamster in a wheel' effect. The key is to slow down and invest in oneself, understanding that doing less can lead to attracting more. This approach allows for true allowing, which is essential for achieving a fraction of one's full potential, rather than just pushing through action and control.

BREAKING SPIRALING THOUGHT PATTERNS

When caught in a negative spiral, Bernstein suggests a mindful 'check-in' process. The first step is to notice the loop or thought, then visualize wrapping it into a ball and sending it away, perhaps to melt in water or burn. This act of release is followed by intentionally reaching for the 'next best feeling thought'. This might be as simple as appreciating comfortable sheets or looking forward to coffee. The aim is to stop the loop without self-aggression, recognizing that forcing oneself out of a spiral is ineffective.

SETTING ACHIEVABLE GOALS WITH CONFIDENCE

For those lacking confidence to set ambitious goals, Bernstein advises adjusting the goals themselves. Instead of aiming for something that feels out of reach, set a goal that is 'on the way' to the larger desire. This involves identifying what feels good and achievable right now, such as polishing a resume before seeking a new job. By focusing on these smaller, manageable steps and celebrating mini-wins, a foundation of confidence is built. These compounding small actions eventually lead to significant achievements, fostered by grace and compassion rather than aggressive pushing.

EMBRACING INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS (IFS)

Bernstein introduces Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy as a transformative approach to befriending the parts of oneself that cause sabotage and fear. These 'parts' often stem from childhood traumas or difficult experiences, leading to core beliefs like 'I'm not good enough.' IFS encourages getting into relationship with these protector parts, understanding their motivations rather than shunning them. By becoming curious and compassionate towards these inner child 'exiles' and their protective mechanisms, individuals can begin to heal and unburden themselves from the past.

THE FOUR-STEP CHECK-IN FOR HEALING PARTS

The 'four-step check-in' derived from IFS principles provides a practical method for self-healing. It begins with choosing to check in rather than check out when triggered. The second step is to become curious about the activated part, asking questions about its feelings and sensations. This is followed by compassion, asking the part what it needs. The final step is to check for 'self-energy'—compassion, calm, courage, connection—which indicates that healing aid is present. This process helps individuals develop self-leadership and a more integrated inner state.

THE POWER OF ENERGY CONTAGEON AND MANIFESTATION

Our energy significantly impacts those around us, a phenomenon supported by principles of quantum physics and observed in daily interactions. This energetic frequency dictates what we attract through manifestation. By consistently putting out high-vibe energy—showing up with a good attitude, offering kindness, and actively wishing well for others—we invite similar experiences back. Even during difficult times, consciously choosing to show up with faith and positivity redirects our trajectory, demonstrating that how we experience life is more crucial than the experiences themselves.

SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES THROUGH SELF-ENERGY

Authentic boundaries arise from a place of inner strength and self-compassion, cultivated through consistent self-help practices like the four-step check-in. When one fully embodies 'self-energy'—compassionate, calm, courageous—their own energy field no longer matches the disruptive energy of others, naturally dissipating triggers. This self-led state empowers individuals to refuse what doesn't align with their desires. Boundaries then become an natural extension of this inner coherence, communicated clearly and firmly from a place of love, not rage or defensiveness.

Navigating Relationship Dynamics AND EXTERNAL SUPPORT

For relationship dynamics, especially with partners resistant to opening up, the advice is to lead by example. Mastering self-help individually creates a stable 'self-energy' that can positively influence the partner and the relationship environment, making their 'stuff' less impactful. When more support is needed, both individual and couples therapy are beneficial, ideally with separate therapists for each person and a third for couples work. For those with limited resources, AI tools can offer accessible support, though genuine human connection remains paramount.

THE EVOLVING ROLE OF AI AND SPIRITUAL CONNECTION

The rapid advancement of AI presents both opportunities and challenges. While AI can offer accessible wisdom and support, there's a risk of over-reliance or forming unhealthy attachments. Bernstein herself uses AI to disseminate her 20 years of wisdom, making it more available. Simultaneously, she is exploring her own psychic and channeling abilities through her new podcast 'Dear Gabby.' Tapping into higher guides for guidance on personal growth and purpose highlights a blend of cutting-edge technology and ancient spiritual practices.

PURPOSE, ABUNDANCE, AND RECEPTIVE ENERGY

Bernstein advises intentional goal setting, often by naming a year with a single word. This year, her focus is on 'investing in me'—prioritizing her podcast and production to be more in a creative space and letting go of 'Tupperware' tasks. Codi Sanchez shares that her year's theme is 'abundance,' which she playfully links to potentially having a 'bun in the oven.' The channeled message emphasizes shifting from past 'pushing' energy to a receptive, 'maternal' energy to truly receive abundance, suggesting that freedom and receptivity, not force, unlock greater success.

THE HEALING POWER OF CREATION DURING DIFFICULTY

During periods of intense emotional difficulty, such as confronting past trauma, creation becomes a powerful therapeutic tool. Bernstein describes how writing her book 'The Universe Has Your Back' during a challenging time of recalling childhood trauma was deeply healing. The act of creating can coexist with healing, moving individuals out of chaos and into a state of self-energy. This process of externalizing inner experiences through art or writing is essential for fully moving through difficult emotions and experiences.

IDENTIFYING EFFECTIVE THERAPY AND GUIDANCE

Choosing a therapist or guide requires prioritizing safety and genuine connection. A good therapist fosters a sense of security, allowing vulnerability and deeper work. They exhibit self-energy—compassion, curiosity, calmness—and connect with the client. In today's landscape of readily available life coaches, it's crucial to discern those who have genuinely done their own inner work. Learning from teachers who are living their message and can resonate with where you are is key to finding impactful guidance.

Mentioned in This Episode

●Books

●People Referenced

The 4-Step Check-In for Managing Parts

Practical takeaways from this episode

Do This

Choose to check in with your activated part rather than checking out.

Become curious about the part: ask what's going on, where you feel it in your body, and what feelings or sensations need to come up.

Offer compassion: ask the part what it needs (e.g., rest, to play, to be a kid again).

Check for 'Self-energy' (compassion, calm, courage, clarity, connection, creativity) after connecting with the part.

Avoid This

Don't override yourself or push yourself when stuck.

Don't shame or shun your parts; befriend them.

Don't confront your 'parts' in a confrontational way.

Don't think boundaries are fake if they are not rooted in self-compassion and befriending your parts.

Common Questions

Gaby Bernstein suggests alchemizing troubling thoughts by visualizing them in a ball and sending them away, then reaching for the 'next best feeling thought'. Alternatively, writing thoughts down in a journal or giving a situation away for 24 hours can create emotional separation.

Topics

Breaking Spirals Negative Self-talk Manifesting Internal Family Systems IFS Parts Work Psychic Ability

Mentioned in this video

personGabriele Bernstein

Spiritual teacher and author discussing rewiring fear, self-doubt, and subconscious blocks, and the importance of the person one becomes for success.

personMark Manson

Author who discussed with Cody the potential issue of AI making users seem 'right all the time'.

bookSelf-Help

Gabby Bernstein's 10th book, which explains Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and is described as short, simple, and essential.

personDr. Wayne Dyer

Late mentor and friend of Gabby Bernstein, whose quote about changing the way you look at things to change what you look at is cited.

bookThe Universe Has Your Back

Gabby Bernstein's favorite book, which she wrote during a period of personal healing after remembering childhood trauma. It helped her and millions of others.

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