Key Moments
My Two Dances With Depression, Fall Again, Rise Again | Ben Ibrahim | TEDxMonash University Malaysia
Key Moments
After two near-fatal accidents left Ben Ibrahim battling depression, he learned resilience isn't about pushing through but about vulnerability and redefining strength.
Key Insights
The speaker defines success as a personal definition, not dictated by external rubrics or tests.
At 16, a broken leg led to two years on crutches and severe depression, with an indefinite recovery timeline.
At 26, an assault resulted in a coma and a steel pin in his skull, causing psychological and emotional scars that painkillers couldn't heal.
To overcome his first depression, Ibrahim set a goal to join the 160 km 'Lawn 160' charity run, focusing on training 'again and again' to rebuild resilience.
His second recovery involved working with a voice coach who encouraged him to confront and express his trauma through crying, leading to acceptance.
He quit his corporate job to pursue his passion for TV presenting, adopting a rigorous daily routine of 'again and again' practice to achieve his new goal.
Redefining success beyond external validation
Ben Ibrahim begins by posing a fundamental question: 'How are you?'—a Malaysian greeting signifying fitness and health. He acknowledges the common anxieties of university students regarding career paths and external pressures. Ibrahim emphasizes that success is not defined by any external rubric, exam, or test, but is a deeply personal definition. This sets the stage for his journey, highlighting the importance of self-definition in navigating life's challenges.
The shattering impact of a broken leg and prolonged immobility
At 16, Ibrahim experienced his first 'dance with depression' after breaking his leg, an injury that required two years of wearing braces and using crutches. This physical limitation had a profound psychological impact, shattering his confidence and plunging him into depression. The indefinite timeline for recovery was particularly harrowing, as he couldn't walk and relied entirely on others. He recalls the frustration of waking friends in the middle of the night and enduring teasing from peers, all while being told to 'be strong'—clichés that felt hollow. This experience highlighted the challenge of 'normalcy' and the deep frustration of being unable to perform basic functions, leading to shouts of despair in the quiet of the night.
Surviving a near-fatal assault and enduring psychological scars
Ten years later, at 25, Ibrahim faced his second severe challenge: a violent assault where he was hit with a helmet, leading to a coma and hospitalization. The immediate medical issue—a loose skull requiring a steel pin—was eventually addressed, but the lasting psychological and emotional scars proved far more debilitating. He experienced nightmares, anxiety in everyday situations like parking cars or going to the cinema, and the visible reminder of a large scar. Despite the physical healing process being medically smoother due to good medication, the inability to 'lift the psychological iron' and overcome the emotional trauma underscored a deeper, more persistent struggle than any painkiller could address. He questioned if he was 'Mr. Bad Luck,' facing two severe incidents within a decade.
Embracing 'again and again' to conquer physical and mental hurdles
For his first battle with depression, Ibrahim adopted a proactive approach: 'running towards the problem.' He set a tangible goal to make the prestigious 'Lawn 160' charity run team, a 160 km event. This goal provided a target for his arduous rehabilitation, which involved endless repetitions of 'again and again'—falling, getting up, and relearning basic movements like walking, cycling, swimming, and eventually jogging. Despite skepticism from others, he poured his energy into training, even using his personal story of recovery as a compelling argument for his selection. His application answer, 'I will use my story, my story of my accident to sell the sponsors to give us the funds for the children of Shannon Park,' demonstrated a desire to find purpose in his pain. He was selected for the team, even with a 'running ability of two out of 10,' and found immense joy and a sense of victory while running the hardest uphill route, a moment he had visualized during his recovery. This relentless pursuit of his goal, repeating 'again and again,' built his inner resilience and taught him that 'if I quit, depression wins.'
The power of vulnerability and emotional release with a voice coach
His second recovery was less about physical goals and more about conquering fear. After the assault, Ibrahim sought help from a psychologist, but his breakthrough came with a voice coach named Sandra. During a TV presenting class, Sandra instructed him to 'put the books away' and 'cry,' a request Ibrahim initially resisted, seeing it as unprofessional and unrelated to presenting. However, after a prolonged argument, he finally broke down, admitting his fear of dying, the pain of losing his sister, his perceived failure to his parents, and his feeling of being a 'weakling' despite his tough-guy image. This intense emotional release, crying 'a river' on the floor, was profoundly cathartic, offering a release far more powerful than any previous coping mechanism. He describes it as 'better than saying 67,' a humorous reference to a popular song. This acceptance of his vulnerability, rather than playing the 'tough guy,' was crucial for his healing.
Finding a new purpose and recommitting to growth
Following his emotional release, Ibrahim realized his corporate day job was not fulfilling and was primarily for his parents. He quit to pursue his passion for TV presenting with the ambitious goal of becoming 'the best TV presenter in the world.' This new, subjective goal provided the same drive and sense of purpose that the 'Lawn 160' run had. He re-embraced the 'again and again' mantra, establishing a rigorous daily routine that included waking at 5 a.m. to read newspapers, freelancing, networking at events, taking small MC jobs, and studying news channels until late at night. While admitting it was exhausting and tempting to quit, especially seeing others enjoy leisure, his 'calling was to heal and go again and again.' This dedication, coupled with continued practice in controlling his voice and delivering impromptu speeches, even during uncomfortable situations like water gun drills or managing vocal squeaks, kept him moving forward.
Accepting depression as a teacher and finding inner strength
Ibrahim concludes by reflecting on his two 'dances with depression.' He frames them not as enemies, but as experiences that led him to discover himself. He humorously refers to them as 'Forest Gump' and 'Heavy Metal,' acknowledging their profound impact. Instead of fighting them, he expresses gratitude: 'Thank you.' He credits these challenging periods with helping him find his true self, emphasizing that one should never apologize for who they are, only for mistakes. He states that accepting the fear and shattered feelings, and then finding that personal word or goal 'again,' provides an immense superpower. This realization is encapsulated in the sentiment, 'This is who I'm meant to be. I'm not scared to be seen. I make no apologies. This is me.' His final message is simple: 'Rise again, fall again, and you will succeed.'
Mentioned in This Episode
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Navigating Depression: Rise Again
Practical takeaways from this episode
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Common Questions
Ben Ibrahim experienced two significant challenges: at 16, he broke his leg and was immobilized for two years, leading to depression and shattered confidence. Ten years later, at 25, he was attacked by robbers, hit on the head, and fell into a coma, suffering psychological and emotional scars.
Topics
Mentioned in this video
The speaker humorously compares himself to Iron Man after his second accident due to the steel pin in his head, but clarifies he doesn't possess superpowers.
Mentioned as a fictional character from Marvel movies, used to contrast the speaker's reality during his rehabilitation with the heroic portrayals in films.
A song that repeatedly played in the speaker's head during his recovery, symbolizing his journey through a difficult period.
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