Why do people struggle to make lasting changes?

According to Shahroo Izadi, common reasons for unsuccessful change include focusing too much on the desired outcome rather than the process, focusing on perceived flaws instead of assets, and treating self-talk harshly ('tough love') instead of with compassion and understanding. People also often fail to recognize problematic behaviors but understand how they serve them.

How can I deal with imposter syndrome?

Shahroo Izadi suggests that managing binge eating and anxiety differently can help alleviate imposter syndrome. Allowing yourself to find something difficult and not deeming yourself stupid or weak for struggling is key. Internalizing accomplishments without caveats, even small ones, can build confidence.

What is the first step to changing my behavior?

The first actionable step is to practice listening to the way you speak to yourself. Write it down, question its truth, consider its origins, and ask if you'd say the same thing to someone you love. This self-inquiry, done with curious compassion, is free and foundational.

How can I balance kindness and firmness in change?

It's about holding compassion and firmness together. Imagine telling a child they can't have an unhealthy treat; they might cry, but you remain firm while making them as comfortable as possible. Similarly, acknowledge your feelings and urges but remain firm in your commitment to change, repeating it until it becomes easier.

What role do diets play in eating disorders?

Shahroo Izadi argues that many restrictive weight-loss diets, with the best intentions, paradoxically lead to binge eating disorder, powerlessness, and a lack of trust in oneself. These diets can foster an all-or-nothing mindset, scarcity, and guilt, ultimately damaging mental health and self-esteem.

What is Shahroo Izadi's mission now?

Her mission is twofold: to convince people that kindness and self-compassion are effective methods for achieving goals, and to eradicate binge eating, powerlessness, and lack of trust that stem from weight-loss diets, ensuring these issues 'die with her generation'.

Behaviour Change Scientist: How I Lost 120lbs With Kindness: Shahroo Izadi | E222

The Diary Of A CEO

People & Blogs3 min read60 min video

Feb 16, 2023|1,459,929 views|39,345|1,720

The Diary Of A CEO steven bartlett steve bartlett podcast the diary of a CEO podcast life lessons CEO

Save to Pod

Key Moments

TL;DR

Behavioral scientist Shahroo Izadi shares how kindness is key to lasting change, helping her lose 120lbs and overcome binge eating.

Key Insights

Lasting behavioral change stems from self-kindness and self-compassion, not harsh self-criticism.

Diets often fail because they focus on restriction rather than understanding the underlying reasons for unhealthy behaviors.

Imposter syndrome can be addressed by acknowledging both accomplishments and struggles, recognizing that difficulty in one area doesn't negate success in others.

Preparing for relapse involves reframing challenges as opportunities to demonstrate one's capacity for resilience and self-compassion.

Understanding the 'why' behind behaviors, rather than just focusing on the 'what,' is crucial for sustainable change.

Taking the same advice you'd give a loved one and closing the gap between external advice and internal self-talk is a powerful tool for self-improvement.

FROM SELF-CRITICISM TO SELF-COMPASSION

Shahroo Izadi, a behavioral change scientist, shares her profound journey from struggling with binge eating and low self-worth to achieving a 120lb weight loss and lasting personal transformation. Her core message revolves around the power of self-kindness as the most effective tool for change, contrasting it with the often damaging effects of self-criticism and restrictive dieting. Izadi emphasizes that true change happens when we treat ourselves with the same compassion and understanding we would offer a loved one, rather than resorting to harsh self-judgment.

THE FAILURE OF DIETS AND THE POWER OF UNDERSTANDING

Izadi critiques traditional weight loss diets, arguing they often fail because they focus on external outcomes and restriction rather than addressing the root causes of unhealthy behaviors. She explains that relying solely on the desire for a future outcome is insufficient to maintain motivation when plans inevitably go awry. Instead, she advocates for understanding the underlying reasons for one's struggles, such as a lack of self-trust or feelings of powerlessness, which diets rarely address and can sometimes exacerbate.

THE KINDNESS METHOD: CLOSING THE GAP

The central tenet of Izadi's philosophy, outlined in 'The Kindness Method,' is to close the gap between the advice we would give to others and the advice we give ourselves. This involves a conscious effort to speak to ourselves with encouragement, belief, and understanding, especially during challenging times. By applying this approach, individuals can begin to build self-trust and internalize their capabilities, making it easier to navigate setbacks and make choices they are proud of.

ADDRESSING IMPUSTER SYNDROME AND SELF-WORTH

Izadi discusses imposter syndrome, not as an inherent flaw, but as a potential consequence of not fully internalizing one's accomplishments, often exacerbated by unresolved struggles. She posits that allowing oneself to find something difficult, even if it seems simple to others, and not labeling it as a personal failing can be transformative. This process helps in building self-worth by acknowledging both achievements and areas of struggle without shame, fostering a more integrated sense of self.

PREPARING FOR RELAPSE AND REFRAMING CHALLENGES

A key aspect of sustainable change, according to Izadi, is preparing for setbacks. Instead of viewing a relapse as a total failure, she suggests reframing it as an opportunity to practice self-compassion and resilience. This involves having a supportive internal dialogue, reminiscent of the advice given to a friend, and recognizing that challenges are a normal part of the process. By embracing these moments with kindness and firmness, individuals can learn and grow, strengthening their ability to overcome future obstacles.

THE NUANCE OF FOOD RELATIONSHIPS AND PERSONAL MISSION

Izadi emphasizes that one's relationship with food is deeply personal and complex, often intertwined with emotional well-being. She advocates for a balanced approach that doesn't necessarily require complete abstinence but focuses on building trust and self-efficacy around food choices. Her personal mission is to eradicate the cycle of binge eating and powerlessness caused by diets, ultimately empowering a generation to achieve lasting change through self-kindness and by following the same sensible advice they'd offer to others.

Mentioned in This Episode

●Products

●Tools

●Companies

●Organizations

●Books

●Concepts

●People Referenced

Applying the Kindness Method for Behavior Change

Practical takeaways from this episode

Do This

Focus on demonstrating your capacity in the process, not just the long-term outcome.

Identify and leverage your assets when you doubt yourself.

Approach problematic behaviors with curiosity and compassion to understand their function.

Speak to yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a loved one.

Create space between trigger and response by implementing gentle friction.

Practice self-care, self-soothing, and self-compassion to make habits easier.

Listen to your self-talk, question its truth, and consider its origins.

Gather evidence of past successes and resilience to counter self-doubt.

Balance kindness with firmness when setting boundaries and addressing discomfort.

Be mindful of your environment to reduce triggers for undesired behaviors.

Avoid This

Don't focus solely on the end goal; the process matters.

Don't dwell on what's wrong with you; focus on your strengths and assets.

Don't view problematic behaviors as just problems; understand how they serve you.

Avoid 'tough love' self-talk; it's often not smart or effective.

Don't set yourself up for failure by having readily available unhealthy options.

Don't deprive yourself of coping mechanisms that promote calm and positivity.

Don't accept negative self-talk as fact; question and debate it.

Avoid extreme measures like completely clearing out your environment unless necessary.

Don't tell yourself you shouldn't be finding change hard.

Don't put your life on hold until you achieve a certain goal or appearance.

Common Questions

The Kindness Method, as described by Shahroo Izadi, is an approach to behavioral change that emphasizes being kinder to yourself, speaking to yourself with compassion, and applying the same advice you'd give to a loved one. It focuses on understanding the 'why' behind behaviors and creating a supportive internal environment for change.

Topics

Kindness Method

Mentioned in this video

locationThe United States

Country where Shahroo Izadi's father worked for a period, leading to her family's temporary move.

locationThe UK

Country where Shahroo Izadi returned to after living in the United States where she experienced bullying.

organizationWomen's Health Magazine

Publication that called Shahroo Izadi 'Britain's answer to Bruno Brown'.

bookThe Kindness Method

Shahroo Izadi's number one bestseller, focusing on a kinder approach to change and habit formation.

conceptFarsi

The first language spoken by Shahroo Izadi, as her parents are from Iran.

personMarissa Pier

Mentioned as a therapist who shared the insight that patients often struggle with a fundamental belief of not being enough.

personShahroo Izadi

Behavior change scientist, author, and expert in breaking bad habits and beating addiction. She is known for her book 'The Kindness Method' and her personal journey of losing 120lbs.

tooltherapy

A process Shahroo Izadi engaged in to address her self-worth and behavioral issues, leading to significant habit changes.

productgastric band

A surgical device formerly fitted onto Shahroo Izadi, which became a source of shame and led to emergency surgery for removal.

toolsnapshot letter

An exercise from Shahroo Izadi's book, used to establish an honest baseline of one's current state without judgment.

bookThe Last Diet

Shahroo Izadi's second book, which advocates for trusting oneself and using common sense, and aims to end the cycle of binge eating caused by restrictive diets.

companyHeal