How did Patrice Evra's father influence his views on crying?

Patrice Evra's father taught him that crying was a sign of weakness. If anyone cried during a 'punishment,' his father would beat them even more. This ingrained in Patrice a belief that he couldn't cry, which contributed to his toxic masculinity.

Why did Patrice Evra's father leave the family?

Patrice Evra's mother divorced his father because of domestic violence. After calling the police, his father had to leave, taking possessions like the sofa and TV, which was a tough moment for the children despite the reasons.

How did Patrice Evra survive on the streets after his father left?

After his father left, Patrice became a 'survivor' and a 'warrior.' He engaged in stealing with friends, dealt video games, and sold weed to get money, feeling responsible for his family in the absence of his father.

What was the impact of his headmaster's sexual assault on Patrice Evra?

The sexual assault at 13 by his head teacher left Patrice massively traumatized, struggling with subsequent sexual relationships, and feeling like a coward for not speaking up when the police called him at 24. He repressed the memory for years.

How did Patrice Evra learn to unlearn toxic masculinity and embrace vulnerability?

Patrice began to unlearn toxic masculinity with the help of his partner, Margot. She created a 'safe space' for him to open up and express emotions, teaching him that crying is a sign of strength, not weakness, and making him realize he could be his authentic self.

How did football become an escape and a path to success for Patrice Evra?

Football was Patrice's escape from the streets and a difficult home life. It was his passion, his reason for living, and what saved his life. Despite being told he was too small and from the street, he was mentally strong and pursued his dream with unwavering determination, leading him to professional success.

What challenges did Patrice Evra face when he first joined Manchester United?

Patrice Evra experienced a difficult start at Manchester United, including a rough debut against Manchester City where he was subbed off at halftime. He struggled with the physical nature of English football and faced doubts from his agent and teammates, leading him to consider leaving.

How did Sir Alex Ferguson manage Patrice Evra at Manchester United?

Sir Alex Ferguson adopted a unique management style with Patrice Evra, telling him he wouldn't change him but expected him to 'bleed for United.' Ferguson was demanding, often giving the 'hairdryer treatment' even to top players like Evra to maintain high standards and send messages to the team.

What was the Luis Suárez racism incident and how did Patrice Evra respond?

Luis Suárez racially abused Patrice Evra during a game by calling him 'negrito.' Evra reported it, and Suárez was later banned. Though he never considered Suárez a racist, the incident was a media circus, and Evra faced threats. He later forgave Suárez, noting the importance of education over banning in addressing racism.

What is Patrice Evra's 'religion' in life now?

Patrice Evra states that his religion is 'to be the best human being I can.' This means being kind, helping people, and making the world a better place. He finds more joy in inspiring others and helping underprivileged children through his shelters in Senegal than in his football achievements.

How does Patrice Evra believe racism should be addressed in society and football?

Patrice Evra believes racism is about education, not innate. He argues that banning individuals is not a solution as it can lead to further rejection. Instead, he advocates for challenging ingrained beliefs, even within families, and points out the hypocrisy of the football industry in fighting racism compared to financial issues like the Super League.

Key Moments

Patrice Evra: Learning How To Cry Saved My Life!

The Diary Of A CEO

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Key Moments

TL;DR

Patrice Evra shares his journey of child abuse, poverty, and toxic masculinity, finding healing through vulnerability and personal growth.

Key Insights

Childhood trauma, including sexual abuse and poverty, significantly shaped Evra's identity.

Toxic masculinity prevented Evra from expressing emotions, leading to a "robot-like" existence.

Vulnerability and open communication, particularly with a supportive partner, were crucial for Evra's healing.

Football served as both an escape from and a driving force through Evra's difficult early life.

Forgiveness, even for past trauma and racial abuse, is a key element of Evra's personal growth.

True fulfillment comes from human connection and helping others, surpassing professional achievements.

EARLY LIFE AND SURVIVAL

Patrice Evra's childhood was marked by extreme poverty and a challenging family dynamic. Growing up in a crowded household with numerous siblings, he experienced food scarcity and the departure of his father due to domestic violence. This environment taught him that crying was a sign of weakness, a belief ingrained by his father and reinforced by the harsh realities of street survival. He recalled stealing and engaging in other illicit activities not out of malice, but as a means of survival and to fit in with his peers.

THE SCARS OF ABUSE AND TRAUMA

A pivotal and deeply traumatic experience in Evra's youth was his sexual abuse by his headteacher. Forced to stay at the teacher's house due to the long commute to school, Evra endured repeated assaults. He struggled to process this trauma due to his youth and lack of understanding, leading him to suppress these memories. This silence and the lingering effects of the abuse impacted his intimate relationships and his self-perception for years, making him feel like a coward for not speaking out sooner.

THE WEIGHT OF TOXIC MASCULINITY

Evra powerfully discusses how toxic masculinity, ingrained from his upbringing, dictated his emotional responses. He believed that showing emotion or vulnerability was a weakness, leading him to suppress his feelings for decades. This stoicism, while perhaps aiding his survival and football career, prevented him from forming deep emotional connections and led to a sense of being a 'robot.' His partner's influence was instrumental in helping him recognize and begin to dismantle these harmful beliefs.

FOOTBALL AS A SAVIOR AND ESCAPE

Football was Evra's sanctuary and his primary motivation during a tumultuous youth. It provided an escape from the harsh realities of his life, offering a sense of purpose and belonging. Despite facing skepticism about his size and background, his dedication to training was unwavering. Football was not just a passion, but his 'reason for living,' and the initial dream was simply to avoid returning to the streets and to provide a better life for his mother.

BUILDING A NEW LIFE AND FORGIVENESS

Evra's journey to healing involved confronting his past and choosing forgiveness. Through conversations with his mother and the support of his partner, he began to process his traumas. He learned that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness, and that authentic emotional expression is vital for healthy relationships and self-acceptance. Forgiveness extended to those who wronged him, including himself, allowing him to move forward without the burden of anger and resentment.

THE MANCHESTER UNITED EXPERIENCE

Joining Manchester United was a dream, but Evra's early months were challenging, marked by doubt and intense pressure. He faced criticism and had to prove himself, particularly after his difficult debut. Despite the hardships, his strong mentality, fostered by his past, allowed him to persevere. Sir Alex Ferguson's belief in him, combined with the club's culture of acceptance and winning, ultimately enabled Evra to express himself fully and become a key figure.

THE LUIS SUAREZ RACISM INCIDENT

A highly publicized incident involved Luis Suárez using a racial slur against Evra. Evra recounts the emotional turmoil and the subsequent media frenzy, including receiving threats. He reflects on the complexities of racism and the importance of education over punishment. While he eventually forgave Suárez, the event highlighted the pervasive nature of racism in football and society, and Evra's commitment to promoting understanding and human decency.

FINDING TRUE FULFILLMENT

Evra defines his true purpose as being the best human he can be, emphasizing kindness, compassion, and helping others. His personal fulfillment now surpasses his football achievements, stemming from his ability to connect with people on a deeper level. His work establishing shelters in Senegal and positively impacting children's lives represents the tangible results of his journey towards self-acceptance and a desire to make the world a better place.

Mentioned in This Episode

●Products

●Software & Apps

●Companies

●Organizations

●Books

●Concepts

●People Referenced

Common Questions

Patrice Evra experienced extreme poverty, living with 24 siblings, begging for food, witnessing domestic violence between his parents, and his father leaving the family when he was 10. He also suffered sexual abuse at 13 by his head teacher and his brother died from a drug overdose.

Topics

Mental Health & Psychology Human Performance Mindset & Self-Improvement Personal Growth Emotional Intelligence Childhood Trauma Toxic Masculinity Football Career Racism In Sports

Mentioned in this video

People

Lenny Evra

Patrice Evra's first son, whose reaction to his father's absence due to football made Patrice reflect on his sacrifices; also, a point of learning about emotional expression.

Alex Ferguson

Legendary manager of Manchester United who recruited Patrice Evra and instilled a winning mentality, allowing players to express themselves while demanding respect and hard work.

Trevor Sinclair

The opposing player who headbutted Evra in his debut match for Manchester United, giving him a 'welcome to England' moment.

Rio Ferdinand

Former Manchester United teammate, mentioned scoring a winning goal against Liverpool; also jokingly asked by Paul Scholes to sell Patrice.

Ryan Giggs

Former Manchester United teammate, a senior player who exemplified the team's disciplined mindset even after winning the Champions League.

Edwin van der Sar

Former Manchester United goalkeeper, whom Evra passed the ball back to, leading to Sir Alex Ferguson's criticism.

Glazer Family

The owners of Manchester United, who reportedly called Sir Alex Ferguson about a newspaper article on Patrice Evra, influencing his exclusion from a cup final.

David de Gea

Former Manchester United goalkeeper, to whom Patrice Evra initially reported Luis Suárez's racist comment.

Kevin Friend

The referee for the Liverpool vs. Manchester United game during which Luis Suárez racially abused Patrice Evra, who Evra reported it to on the pitch.

Patrice Evra

Former professional footballer and the main subject of the podcast, sharing his life story, traumas, and growth.

Wayne Rooney

Former Manchester United teammate, mentioned as a laughing colleague during Evra's early struggles and a senior player who was a captain candidate.

Eric Cantona

A legendary French footballer who played for Manchester United, inspiring Patrice Evra and establishing a culture of allowing players to be themselves.

Carlos Queiroz

Assistant coach at Manchester United who translated for Patrice Evra and delivered Ferguson's team instructions.

Paul Scholes

Former Manchester United teammate who jokingly called Patrice Evra a 'joker' and suggested selling him back to Monaco for free.

Luis Suárez

Former Liverpool player who racially abused Patrice Evra during a match by using the word 'negrito', leading to a media circus and his ban.

Jamie Carragher

Former Liverpool player and pundit who publicly apologized to Patrice Evra years later for Liverpool's support of Luis Suárez during the racism incident.

Cristiano Ronaldo

Former Manchester United teammate, mentioned as one of the players Ferguson wanted to send a message to during the Tottenham game.

Companies

Paris Saint-Germain

A French professional football club where Patrice Evra had a trial, but was rejected for being 'too small' and from the street.

Facebook

Social media platform, mentioned by Evra in the context of how social media platforms handle racist comments.

Huel

A meal replacement that the host uses to maintain his diet and fitness, particularly in the colder months, when he tends to fall off track.

AS Roma

An Italian professional football club that was interested in signing Patrice Evra, but the deal was complicated by his contract with the Italian mafia.

AS Monaco FC

A French professional football club where Patrice Evra played before joining Manchester United, reaching the Champions League final.

Manchester City

Manchester United's rival club against whom Patrice Evra played his difficult debut match.

Tottenham Hotspur

An English football club against whom Patrice Evra played a great first half, before Ferguson gave him the 'hairdryer treatment' at halftime to send a message to the team.

OGC Nice

A French professional football club that Patrice Evra signed for after resolving his issues with the Italian mafia, which offered him a better salary and life.

Internazionale

An Italian professional football club that was interested in signing Patrice Evra before he joined Manchester United.

Chelsea Football Club

The English football club against whom Manchester United lost 1-0 in a cup final where Patrice Evra was benched.

Juventus FC

An Italian professional football club with whom Patrice Evra played against Barcelona in a final and encountered Luis Suárez.

Instagram

Social media platform Evra uses, where he receives comments and reflects on how platforms handle racist comments compared to COVID-19 misinformation.

Organizations

Liverpool Football Club

An English professional football club that was interested in signing Patrice Evra before he joined Manchester United; also a rival of Manchester United.

FC Barcelona

A Spanish professional football club against whom Patrice Evra played with Juventus in a final, where he later saw Luis Suárez.

Manchester United

An English professional football club which Patrice Evra joined and played for with great success, forming a strong bond with Sir Alex Ferguson.

FBI

The Federal Bureau of Investigation, used as a comparison by Patrice Evra to describe the intensity of his interview with Sir Alex Ferguson.

Italy National Football Team

The national football team that defeated France in the 2006 World Cup final.

Italian Mafia

An organized crime group that Patrice Evra unknowingly signed his first professional contract with, making him their 'property' and creating early career complications.

Locations

Wembley Stadium

The stadium where the cup final against Chelsea was played, which Patrice Evra was benched for.

Books

Quran

The central religious text of Islam, which Patrice Evra read and found to convey love and beauty.

Media

FIFA

The international governing body of football, whose president was criticized by fans during the Super League protests.

The Sun

A British tabloid newspaper that published an article with a headline calling Patrice Evra an 'ex drug dealer' and 'gangster', affecting his playing time.

Concepts

Monte Carlo

Evra's previous club location, which he humorously considered returning to during his challenging Manchester United debut.

Super League

A proposed European club football competition that collapsed within 24 hours due to widespread fan and public opposition, which Evra contrasts with the lack of action taken against racism in football.