How do our mindsets affect our emotional regulation?

Our mindset about emotions is crucial. If we label emotions like anxiety as 'bad,' it can lead to dysregulation. Adopting a mindset that 'there are no bad emotions' and focusing on what we do with them allows for healthier processing. This also includes our mindset about our capacity to manage feelings. (Timestamp: 542)

Why is vulnerability often seen as weakness, especially for men?

Historically, and still today in many circles, vulnerability in men is equated with weakness or femininity. This often leads to suppression, denial, and ignoring of deeper emotions like sadness or shame, while anger might be more outwardly expressed. This is a learned phenomenon, influenced by cultural and familial socialization. (Timestamp: 1395)

How can emotions be taught effectively in schools?

Effective emotional teaching in schools requires a systemic approach involving leaders, teachers, students, and parents all sharing the same language. It's not about 'kumbaya' circles but rigorous, role-playing conversations about feelings and solutions, like addressing social exclusion in a 'gaga pit' scenario. (Timestamp: 2192)

What is 'calibration' in the context of emotional expression and relationships?

Calibration refers to understanding an individual's emotional set point or how they typically manage and express emotions. It hints at an unconscious assessment: if someone gets very sad about everyday things, it's hard to imagine how they'd cope with bigger life events. Leaders and partners need to calibrate to foster resilience, not codependency. (Timestamp: 2808)

How can leaders and parents be role models for emotional regulation?

Leaders and parents should be authentic about their struggles but accompany vulnerability with strategy. Instead of saying 'leave me alone' after a tough day, a parent could say, 'I had a rough day, made a mistake, and need time to process before I can be fully present with you.' This teaches emotional processing, reflection, and problem-solving. (Timestamp: 3048)

What is a 'meta-moment' and how does it help with emotion regulation?

A meta-moment is a brief pause between an emotional stimulus and your habitual response. It involves sensing what's happening, taking a breath, stepping back, and recalling your 'best self' and values in that specific role (e.g., father, colleague) to choose a deliberate, helpful response over an automatic reaction. (Timestamp: 3228)

Why is having a rich emotional vocabulary important?

A rich emotional vocabulary is crucial for self-awareness, communication, and effective strategy selection. Distinguishing between feelings like anxiety, fear, stress, and pressure allows for more precise understanding and targeted regulation, unlike generalizing them into one vague 'upset' category. (Timestamp: 3482)

Should people take 'mental health days' when feeling overwhelmed?

While severe distress warrants time off, Dr. Brackett argues against offering 'mental health days' for general overwhelm without teaching management strategies. He believes it risks creating a generation of 'very weak people' who are not equipped to live with difficult feelings and move forward. (Timestamp: 5090)

How do positive emotions also require regulation?

Even positive emotions like excitement require regulation because high activation can lead to impulsive or inappropriate behavior. For example, a child overly excited to see grandma might disrupt class; a teacher can provide an outlet (like sharing for a minute) while maintaining expectations. It's about 'being a channel, not a dam.' (Timestamp: 5817)

What are the concerns about AI replacing human connection for emotional support?

Dr. Brackett is concerned about the rising trend of adolescents using AI as a therapist or companion. While AI can offer advice, it cannot replace the crucial human connection, empathy, and affirmation needed during difficult times. This reliance on AI reflects a growing societal fear of intimacy and connection. (Timestamp: 6138)

How can societal issues be addressed effectively?

Societal issues are best addressed by well-regulated individuals. Yelling and screaming at others is ineffective and often unproductive. While large-scale change is important, focusing on personal and community-level emotional skills allows individuals to be their best selves, problem-solve more effectively, and contribute to a healthier society. (Timestamp: 6537)

What defines emotional intelligence according to Dr. Brackett?

Emotional intelligence is defined by the RULER framework: Recognizing emotions, Understanding their causes and consequences, Labeling them with a precise vocabulary, Expressing them appropriately in context, and Regulating them to achieve one's goals. It emphasizes the courage to engage, curiosity, and lack of judgment. (Timestamp: 7610)

How does an 'emotional identity' help in regulation?

Developing an 'emotional identity' as a 'well-regulated person' is key. Similar to identifying as a physically fit person who prioritizes exercise, internalizing a belief in one's capacity for emotional management changes behavior. It shifts regulation from a difficult, effortful task to an ingrained part of who you are, reducing internal struggle. (Timestamp: 7128)

Key Moments

How to Better Regulate Your Emotions | Dr. Marc Brackett

Andrew Huberman

Science & Technology4 min read148 min video

Apr 20, 2026|6,522 views|513|44

andrew huberman huberman lab podcast huberman podcast dr. andrew huberman neuroscience huberman lab andrew huberman podcast the huberman lab podcast science podcast

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Key Moments

TL;DR

Emotion regulation isn't about eliminating feelings, but developing a healthier relationship with them. Practical tools exist to improve emotional intelligence, but they require conscious effort and self-awareness.

Key Insights

Emotion regulation (ER) is defined as a goal-oriented process (G) plus strategies (S), functioning as a product of emotion (E), person (P), and context (C): ER(G+S) = f(E+P+C).

The "PRIME" acronym outlines goals for emotion regulation: Prevent unwanted emotions, Reduce difficult ones, Initiate desired emotions, Maintain desired emotions, and Enhance emotions.

Males are socialized to see vulnerability as weakness, leading them to suppress or deny emotions like disappointment or shame, while women are more likely to suppress anger and ruminate.

A "meta moment" is a crucial tool for emotion regulation: a pause between a stimulus and response to consciously choose a helpful, deliberate response rather than an automatic, habitual one.

The "dealing with feeling wheel" offers a framework for understanding and addressing emotions holistically, encompassing self-awareness, breathwork, cognitive strategies, relational work, and biological factors (sleep, nutrition, exercise).

Emotional intelligence is measurable and its skills predict success in life, including well-being, leadership, decision-making, and mental health outcomes, despite the politicization of emotional expression.

Redefining emotion regulation: Beyond suppression

Dr. Marc Brackett challenges the common misconception that emotion regulation means getting rid of feelings. Instead, he defines it as developing a healthier relationship with emotions, akin to "saying hello" to anxiety rather than fighting it. This process is goal-oriented and strategy-driven, influenced by the specific emotion, the individual's personality, and the surrounding context. It's not about constant self-monitoring but about engaging with emotions when they shift our environment or relationships, offering a critical choice point for productive responses.

The PRIME framework for emotional goals

Brackett introduces the PRIME acronym to delineate the various goals of emotion regulation. These include Preventing unwanted emotions, Reducing difficult ones, Initiating desired emotions (e.g., in presentations), Maintaining positive emotions (e.g., savoring a good day), and Enhancing emotions (e.g., boosting joy). This framework highlights that emotion regulation is not solely about managing negative feelings but also about cultivating and sustaining positive ones, demonstrating a versatile approach to emotional life.

Societal conditioning and gendered emotional expression

The conversation delves into how societal norms, particularly gender roles, shape our relationship with emotions. Historically, vulnerability has been associated with weakness, especially for men, leading to the suppression of emotions like sadness or shame, while anger is more readily expressed. Conversely, women may be more inclined to ruminate on emotions. This learned behavior can create significant barriers to authentic emotional expression and connection, contributing to the stigmatization of certain feelings and the fear of appearing less capable.

The 'meta moment': Creating space for conscious response

A core tool for emotion regulation is the 'meta moment.' This involves creating a pause between experiencing a stimulus and reacting to it. Instead of an automatic, habitual response, a meta moment allows for a deliberate, conscious choice. This pause, even if just for a few seconds, provides an opportunity to reflect on one's desired self-role (e.g., as a supportive husband or effective professor) and respond from that intentional space, rather than from a triggered or reactive state. This skill is crucial for navigating complex interpersonal situations and achieving personal goals.

Mindsets about emotions: From 'bad' to 'informative'

Brackett emphasizes the importance of mindsets around emotions, arguing that no emotion is inherently 'bad.' Anxiety, for instance, can signal perceived uncertainty, and happiness can indicate that something is important. By reframing emotions not as problems to be eliminated but as informative signals, individuals can develop a more constructive relationship with them. This shift in perspective is foundational to effective regulation, moving away from automatic negative assumptions towards a more balanced acceptance of emotional experiences.

The 'dealing with feeling wheel' and holistic well-being

The 'dealing with feeling wheel' is presented as a comprehensive model for emotional well-being. It integrates self-awareness, breathwork, cognitive strategies, relational support, and the biology of emotions (sleep, nutrition, exercise). This holistic approach recognizes that emotional regulation is interconnected with overall physical and mental health. By attending to these various components, individuals can build a robust system for managing their emotional landscape and enhancing their overall quality of life.

Languaging emotions and the 'Point of Connection' game

Brackett highlights the critical role of specific language in understanding and communicating emotions. He notes that many people have a limited vocabulary for their feelings, often resorting to vague terms like 'fine' or 'upset.' This lack of precision hinders effective regulation and communication. To address this, they've developed a game called 'Point of Connection,' designed to foster deeper understanding and connection through prompts that encourage sharing personal experiences and values, emphasizing human connection over digital interaction.

The long-term impact of emotional intelligence skills

The conversation underscores that emotional intelligence is not a 'soft skill' but a set of measurable competencies that predict life success. These skills are vital for effective leadership, decision-making, mental health, and relationship quality. While the world is increasingly complex, Brackett asserts that teaching children emotional regulation skills is paramount, not to make them fragile, but to equip them to navigate challenges, achieve their goals, and become resilient, well-regulated individuals capable of contributing positively to society.

Mentioned in This Episode

●Supplements

●Products

●Software & Apps

●Companies

●Organizations

●Books

●Concepts

●People Referenced

Emotion Regulation: Do's and Don'ts

Practical takeaways from this episode

Do This

Adopt a mindset that no emotions are inherently bad; it's what you do with them that matters.

Practice taking 'meta-moments' (pauses) to reflect on your emotional state and consider your desired response before reacting.

Cultivate emotional self-awareness by expanding your vocabulary for feelings beyond 'fine' or 'upset' (e.g., anxiety, fear, stress, pressure are distinct).

Learn and practice cognitive regulation strategies like reappraisal, reframing, and distancing to shift perspective on difficult emotions.

Be a role model by demonstrating healthy emotional processing and strategy use (e.g., 'I had a rough day, I need time to process, then we'll play').

Infuse emotional skill-building into everyday life and conversations, especially with children.

Recognize that vulnerability, when accompanied by a strategy, can be a sign of strength and authenticity, not weakness.

Use mindfulness and breathwork to bring down emotional intensity and still your mind, but acknowledge these are initial steps, not the complete solution.

Actively seek social support when struggling; it's a smart strategy, not a sign of weakness.

Identify as a 'well-regulated person' and build this identity through consistent practice, similar to physical fitness.

Foster curiosity and less judgment towards others' emotional experiences by understanding their stories.

Periodically evaluate how your emotional strategies are impacting your life and relationships, and adjust as needed.

Avoid This

Mistake emotion regulation for getting rid of feelings; instead, aim for a different relationship with them.

Obsessively check in with your feelings all day long, as this can lead to rumination and unproductivity.

Assume all expressions of emotions are appropriate in every context; consider context-specific expression.

Suppress, deny, or ignore difficult emotions, especially for long periods, as this can be maladaptive.

Believe there's only 'one right strategy' for emotion regulation; it's a dynamic, context-dependent process.

Use emotional expression or vulnerability as an excuse to avoid responsibilities or developmental milestones.

Succumb to 'quick fix' solutions for complex emotional issues, like 'throwing away' anxiety.

Misuse reframing to gaslight yourself or others into denying valid feelings in abusive contexts.

Rely solely on technology or AI as a therapist or companion, as it lacks the human connection vital for emotional health.

Allow societal pressure or past experiences (e.g., childhood bullying) to prevent you from experiencing positive emotions like happiness.

Let unchecked excitement lead to overstepping boundaries or making inappropriate decisions.

Be paralyzed by societal issues or disagreements; focus on what you can control and how to engage effectively.

Common Questions

Emotion regulation is not about eliminating feelings, but about having a different relationship with them and using them wisely to achieve life's goals. Dr. Brackett defines it as a goal-oriented process with strategies (PRIME: prevent, reduce, initiate, maintain, enhance) that considers the emotion, person, and context. (Timestamp: 0)

Topics

Emotion-Regulation Leadership Mental Health & Psychology Learning & Education Mindset & Self-Improvement Social Connection Child Development Emotional Intelligence Stress Tolerance Cognitive Reappraisal

Mentioned in this video

People

Andrew Huberman

Host of the Huberman Lab podcast and professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine.

Marc Brackett

Guest on the podcast, professor of psychology at Yale University and director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, an expert in emotions and their practical application.

Brian Anderson

A skateboarder who publicly came out in the New York Times, used as an example of shifting stereotypes about gay men.

Stephen King

Author of the story that the movie Stand by Me was based on.

Rob Reiner

Mentioned as potentially having written the movie Stand by Me.

Richie Davidson

Scientist who discussed the myth of meditation on the podcast, emphasizing it as stress tolerance rather than mind clearing.

Steve Kerr

Basketball coach mentioned as a public figure who meditates, helping to normalize meditation beyond perceived 'magic carpet stuff'.

David Goggins

Former Navy SEAL and ultra-athlete, discussed as someone who earned the right to express vulnerability publicly due to his undeniable capability and disciplined mindset.

Matthew Walker

Sleep scientist whose work implies that 'sleep when you're dead' is not a good philosophy, and that sleep makes people smarter and more effective.

Wim Hof

Eccentric figure known for breath work and cold exposure, whose practices are now more widely adopted.

Mike Mentzer

A famous trainer who advised Andrew Huberman on low-volume, high-intensity resistance training.

Bob Knight

A neurologist at UC Berkeley who advised Andrew Huberman to consistently work and find non-destructive ways to reset each week.

Lisa Feldman Barrett

Neuroscientist whose work indicates that one cannot always know how someone is feeling solely by their facial expression.

Organizations

Yale University

The institution where Dr. Marc Brackett is a professor of psychology and director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence.

Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence

Directed by Dr. Marc Brackett, this center focuses on the science of emotions and its practical applications.

CDC

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which estimates that more than one in three American adults has pre-diabetes.

Stanford University

The university that requires harassment and workplace safety training for faculty and staff, but not for students, raising questions about consistent rules.

Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory

Referred to as 'geek summer camp', where Andrew Huberman taught a career development course incorporating Bob Knight's advice.

Products

Lingo by Abbott

A continuous glucose monitoring app, a sponsor of the podcast, that provides minute-by-minute glucose data to help users make smarter health choices.

Software & Apps

hellolingo.com/Huberman

Website where Huberman Lab listeners can get a discount on Lingo's four-week plan.

drinkag1.com/Huberman

Website where Huberman Lab listeners can get a special offer for AG1, including free travel packs and Vitamin D3 K2.

How We Feel App

An application developed by Dr. Marc Brackett and his team to help people develop emotional vocabulary.

Rora.com/Huberman

Website offering an exclusive discount on the Rora countertop water filtration system.

protocolsbook.com

Website for pre-ordering Andrew Huberman's book, Protocols.

Yoga Nidra

A traditional practice referred to as 'non-sleep deep rest' by Andrew Huberman, to make it more accessible to a broader audience.

Media

Stand by Me

A movie based on a Stephen King story, discussed for its depiction of boys' emotional transitions around puberty.

America Unfiltered

A movie made by Dr. Marc Brackett's partner about two individuals traveling America to interview people about their experiences, fostering curiosity and reducing judgment.

Supplements

AG1

A foundational nutritional supplement, sponsor of the podcast, praised for its quality and comprehensiveness, combining vitamins, minerals, prebiotics, probiotics, and adaptogens.

Locations

Harlem, New York

A district where the RULER framework is implemented in 21 schools, addressing the emotional needs of children facing food insecurity, racism, and poverty.

Companies

Rora

A sponsor of the podcast producing a countertop water filtration system that removes harmful substances and preserves beneficial minerals.

Concepts

Artificial Intelligence

Discussed as a prominent technology causing concern and excitement, with particular worry about adolescents using AI as a therapist or companion.

RULER Framework

A school-based program by Dr. Marc Brackett and his team that teaches emotional intelligence systematically in schools, emphasizing self-awareness, understanding, labeling, expressing, and regulating emotions.

Non-Sleep Deep Rest

Andrew Huberman's preferred term for practices like Yoga Nidra, used to make the physiological benefits more broadly accessible.

Books

The Dealing with Feeling Wheel

A strategy discussed in Dr. Marc Brackett's book that helps people identify components of well-being to regulate emotions more effectively.

Protocols: An Operating Manual for the Human Body

Andrew Huberman's first book, covering protocols for sleep, exercise, stress control, focus, and motivation, with scientific substantiation.