Key Moments

241 ‒ Living intentionally, valuing time, prioritizing relationships, & more keys to a rich life

Peter Attia MDPeter Attia MD
Science & Technology6 min read92 min video
Feb 6, 2023|33,703 views|626|37
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TL;DR

Ric Elias on life, lessons from a near-death experience, prioritizing relationships, and intentional living.

Key Insights

1

A near-death experience profoundly shifted perspective, leading to a focus on intentionality and not tying oneself to outcomes.

2

Parenting is a 'tug-of-war' that must eventually be lost, transitioning from parent to coach or advisor.

3

Creating memorable experiences with loved ones is crucial for a rich life, and fostering new friendships at any age is valuable.

4

Aging can be viewed through the 'windshield' (future-oriented) rather than the 'rearview mirror' (past-oriented), emphasizing continuous growth and purpose.

5

Intentional living involves valuing time, prioritizing meaningful relationships, and focusing energy on what truly matters.

6

Philanthropy at scale often requires a strategic, entrepreneurial approach, leveraging private investment to influence government policy.

7

Health is about longevity and activity, prompting shifts from high-impact sports to activities like tennis for sustainable engagement.

PERSPECTIVE SHIFTED BY NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE

Ric Elias returned to the podcast to share how his near-death experience in 2009 profoundly altered his outlook on life. This event instilled a deep understanding that 'this too shall pass,' enabling him to navigate personal and professional crises with greater equanimity. He emphasizes focusing on the process rather than outcomes, which has been instrumental in maintaining his even keel through tumultuous times like the past three years, marked by personal losses and significant business changes.

THE EVOLVING NATURE OF PARENTING AND RELATIONSHIPS

Drawing from his mother's wisdom, Elias describes parenting teenagers as a 'tug-of-war' that parents ultimately must lose. This signifies a crucial transition from direct parenting to a more advisory or coaching role as children become independent adults. He cherishes the moments when his adult children seek his opinion but ultimately make their own decisions, viewing it as a sign of healthy development. This shift also ushers in 'empty nesting,' which, while different, remains a deeply connected phase of life.

THE VALUE OF DELIBERATE EXPERIENCES AND FRIENDSHIPS

Elias recounts organizing a 'friends summit' as a deliberate effort to create memorable experiences with loved ones. This event brought together curated individuals, fostering new connections and deepening existing ones. He believes that at any age, the ability to make genuine friends is a valuable currency in life. By investing energy into friendships, one makes significant deposits into important life accounts, leading to richer, more memorable moments and a greater sense of connection.

EMBRACING THE INFINITE GAME OF AGING AND GROWTH

Citing the example of 99-year-old Walter Marsh, Elias highlights the concept of viewing age through a 'windshield' perspective, focusing on future possibilities rather than past regrets. This continuous engagement with life, learning, and new opportunities is key to maintaining a vibrant spirit. He also discusses the transition from fluid to crystallized intelligence as one ages, emphasizing that staying in the 'arena,' even in a different role, keeps the mind engaged and prevents feelings of irrelevance.

INTENTIONALITY AS THE CORE OF A RICH LIFE

Elias defines intentional living as a conscious decision to combine what one does with where energy is spent, including what activities are stopped. He uses personal examples, like calculating remaining weeks until age 60, to underscore the importance of valuing time, which is often taken for granted because it is free. This intentionality extends to investing time in cultivating genuine friendships, viewing time as something to be used for value, invested for future dividends, or wasted.

DELIBERATE PHILANTHROPY AND SOCIAL IMPACT

Having signed the Giving Pledge, Elias views philanthropy not just as giving money, but as a strategic venture capital approach. He believes private philanthropy can take calculated risks that governments cannot, serving as a proof of principle to advocate for systemic change. His current focus is on supporting under-resourced individuals, particularly undocumented youth through scholarships and coding initiatives like 'Road to Hire,' aiming to create pathways to employment and citizenship, thereby addressing societal needs and fostering economic growth.

REDEFINING HEALTH AND SUSTAINABLE ENGAGEMENT

Elias has shifted his approach to health from high-impact sports like basketball to more sustainable activities such as tennis. This change, driven by a desire for longevity and injury prevention, allows him to remain active and engaged. He embraces the 'apprenticeship' in learning new skills, like tennis or salsa dancing, finding value in the struggle and humility it brings. This continuous learning and willingness to engage with challenges contribute to a richer, more fulfilling life.

TRANSCENDING GUILT AND CULTIVATING SELF-LOVE

A significant personal evolution for Elias has been the shedding of guilt, which he identifies as a useless emotion that hinders genuine connection. By transforming guilt into self-love, he fosters a kinder, more forgiving internal dialogue. This allows him to acknowledge mistakes without shame, make amends quickly, and extend that same peace and positive energy to others. He believes this internal state is crucial for impacting the world positively through daily interactions and purposeful actions.

THE INTERPLAY OF HAPPINESS, WEALTH, AND PURPOSE

Elias posits that true happiness and wealth are not necessarily correlated, as some of the happiest people have little wealth. While wealth can offer conveniences, the pursuit of it without aligning with one's true purpose can lead to emptiness. He emphasizes the importance of choosing the right 'race' to run, focusing on personal growth, challenge, and competition without seeking external validation or power over others. This mindset allows for a more enjoyable and fulfilling journey, rather than solely focusing on winning.

NAVIGATING THE FINITE VERSUS INFINITE GAME

Drawing from Simon Sinek's work, Elias advocates for playing the 'infinite game,' where the objective is not to win but to stay in the game and perpetuate it. This philosophy guides his business and life decisions, moving away from short-term wins and external validation. By focusing on purpose and growth, he avoids the pitfalls of jealousy and the constant pressure of societal expectations. This approach allows for resilience in the face of criticism and a focus on long-term impact.

RAISING CHILDREN TO BE WELL-ADJUSTED, NOT NECESSARILY EXCEPTIONAL

Elias shares his perspective on raising children, emphasizing the importance of avoiding undue pressure for them to 'exceed' parental accomplishments. He believes providing opportunities for children to find their 'gift' and live with love and purpose is paramount. While acknowledging the drive for exceptionalism, he values being 'well-adjusted' as a more sustainable and healthy goal, especially for children from privileged backgrounds. This approach aims to foster well-being over relentless, potentially unsustainable, achievement.

THE ROLE OF ADVERSITY IN FOSTERING RESILIENCE

Reflecting on Arnold Schwarzenegger's view, Elias notes that overcoming adversity can be a significant driver of greatness. However, he differentiates between exceptional achievement and being a 'great human being.' He suggests that individuals who have not faced significant struggles may find the transition to crystallized intelligence or different life stages more challenging. Experiencing and learning to navigate struggle is presented as more valuable for long-term resilience than early, effortless success.

Common Questions

Rick's near-death experience on Flight 1549 taught him three main lessons: time truly matters, relationships are the core of a rich life, and living true to one's purpose (especially parenting) is crucial. He now focuses on intentionality in how he lives, spends his time, and continuously evolves his purpose, expanding into philanthropy and community initiatives.

Topics

Mentioned in this video

People
Bill Gates

Co-founder of Microsoft and co-initiator of The Giving Pledge, aiming to inspire wealthy individuals to commit a significant portion of their assets to philanthropy.

Kennedy Family

A prominent American political family, whose history in the 1960s is referenced from a book discussing tumultuous eras and societal issues.

Elon Musk

CEO of Tesla and SpaceX, cited as an example of someone playing an 'infinite game' with his business decisions, even if unpopular.

Laura Arnold

Alongside her husband John, a co-signer of The Giving Pledge, known for their deliberate and analytical approach to philanthropy.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Former bodybuilder, actor, and governor, whose early interview clip discusses how greatness often stems from hardship and deprivation, raising questions about privilege and well-adjusted lives versus exceptional achievement.

Walter Marsh

An older gentleman, 99 years old, who mentors many people and maintains a forward-looking mindset, constantly learning and thinking about future opportunities. He was a senator for North Carolina for 26 years.

Henry Kravis

A very good friend of Rick's in his mid-to-late 70s, described as having more energy and passion, always thinking about the future, and a great leader in Wall Street.

Arthur Brooks

Author of the book 'From Strength to Strength,' whose work on fluid and crystallized intelligence resonated with Peter, providing comfort in accepting age-related transitions.

Melinda Gates

Co-initiator of The Giving Pledge with Bill Gates and Warren Buffett, focused on encouraging strategic philanthropy among the wealthy.

Warren Buffett

Investor and philanthropist who co-founded The Giving Pledge, advocating for the commitment of significant wealth to charitable causes.

John Arnold

A highly successful energy trader and philanthropist who, along with his wife Laura, signed The Giving Pledge and is known for his analytical and rigorous approach to charitable giving.

Jeff Bezos

Founder of Amazon, mentioned for his philosophy in philanthropy, suggesting that helping someone is inherently good regardless of a perfect business plan.

Simon Sinek

Author of 'The Infinite Game,' whose book resonated deeply with Rick's philosophy on competition and purpose.

Mark Zuckerberg

CEO of Meta, mentioned as an example of a leader who can play an 'infinite game' due to significant ownership in his company, allowing him to disregard public opinion.

Tiger Woods

A highly successful professional golfer, mentioned as an example of someone who achieved extreme greatness, implying the significant 'tax' that comes with such a level of success.

Michael Jordan

A legendary basketball player, cited as an example of extreme greatness, highlighting the potential struggles and demands that come with being the best at something.

Barbara Walters

A renowned American broadcast journalist, inferred as the interviewer asking Arnold Schwarzenegger about his greatness.

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