What are the 'jobs to be done' when raising a baby?

The fundamental 'jobs to be done' involve a cycle of feeding the baby (approximately 8 times a day for 30-60 minutes each), burping them multiple times during feeds, changing their diaper, swaddling them, encouraging sleep, and putting them down in their cot, all while hoping they stay asleep for a reasonable duration before the next cycle.

What is the 'night shift' like for new parents?

The 'night shift' involves waking up multiple times per night to feed, change, and soothe the baby, often only getting interrupted sleep in short 20-minute to 2-hour blocks. This chronic sleep deprivation is described as a major reason why parenting is considered extremely hard.

What is a confinement nanny and why is it important in Hong Kong?

A confinement nanny is a professional baby caregiver in Chinese culture who typically lives with the new family for the first few weeks or months. They handle cooking, cleaning, and all baby care tasks, including night shifts, allowing parents to rest and recover. Hiring one is common and more affordable in Hong Kong.

How does hiring domestic help make parenting easier?

Hiring help, such as a confinement nanny or housekeeper, significantly reduces the logistical burden of childcare. It allows parents to outsource laborious tasks like night shifts, cooking, cleaning, and laundry, enabling them to interact with the child on their own terms and avoid the exhaustion and stress common to many new parents.

Why does the speaker believe money is important for new parents?

For the speaker, money provided options: affording private healthcare and a comfortable hospital stay, covering unexpected costs like extended hospital stays for the baby, and enabling the hiring of domestic help. This financial freedom allowed them to significantly mitigate the common stressors and hardships of early parenthood.

What is the difference between being a mom and a dad, according to the speaker?

The speaker notes that being a mom is inherently harder due to biological factors like pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding, as well as the significant hormonal and emotional changes postpartum. As a dad, with his privileged circumstances, he found fatherhood to be much 'chiller'.

How has having a baby changed the speaker's perspective on work and purpose?

Having a baby has given the speaker's work more internal purpose, shifting his motivation from solely himself to providing for his family. This has made him feel more excited about work and less dependent on his feelings to dictate his productivity, ultimately leading to greater satisfaction.

What role does 'cognitive labor' play in parenting?

Cognitive labor refers to the mental effort involved in planning and strategizing how to raise a baby, such as researching optimal schedules, understanding medical needs (like probiotics or skin care for eczema), and making informed decisions. The speaker's wife took on the primary burden of this intellectual work.

How has having a baby helped the speaker slow down?

Holding a sleeping baby or pushing a pram requires a slower physical pace, encouraging the speaker to be more present and mindful. These moments provide a break from his usual goal-directed life, allowing him to appreciate simple experiences without multitasking.

Key Moments

We Had a Baby! Life Update + Reflections

Ali Abdaal

Education3 min read63 min video

Jul 31, 2025|230,848 views|7,176|1,031

Ali Abdaal Ali abdal

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Key Moments

TL;DR

New dad reflects on a surprisingly easy experience due to financial privilege and outsourcing.

Key Insights

Fatherhood has been surprisingly joyful and fulfilling with minimal hardship due to financial resources and lifestyle choices (working from home, outsourcing help).

The "hardship" narrative of parenthood is often tied to lack of support, especially during night shifts, which can be mitigated through financial means.

Financial freedom, gained through skills in productivity and income generation, is crucial for affording help and choices, significantly impacting the parental experience.

While the father's experience has been "chill," the mother's experience involves significant biological, hormonal, and emotional challenges that are harder to outsource.

Having a baby has fostered mindfulness, a sense of purpose in work, and a re-evaluation of personal feelings versus responsibilities.

The availability of affordable domestic help in Hong Kong, combined with a lifestyle business, has been a significant factor in minimizing the perceived difficulties of early parenthood.

AN UNEXPECTEDLY EASY FATHERHOOD

Ali Abdaal shares his experience of becoming a new father, which has been surprisingly joyful and fulfilling rather than the overwhelmingly difficult ordeal he anticipated. Unlike the common narrative of parenthood being intensely challenging, his personal experience has involved minimal suffering or struggle. This ease is attributed to a specific life setup, including his ability to work from home and his location in Hong Kong, where domestic help is readily available and affordable. He notes that he gets to experience the positive aspects of fatherhood without the significant downsides often reported by others.

THE 'JOBS TO BE DONE' OF PARENTHOOD AND THE NIGHT SHIFT STRUGGLE

The core difficulties of raising a newborn revolve around the numerous 'jobs to be done,' such as feeding, burping, changing diapers, and managing sleep cycles, which occur roughly every three hours, day and night. While the joys of interaction and bonding are present, the relentless nature of night shifts and interrupted sleep is highlighted as a major source of parental exhaustion and hardship. This grueling cycle, if undertaken without support, can be mentally and physically debilitating, leading to significant suffering for parents, particularly mothers.

THE GAME-CHANGING IMPACT OF OUTSOURCING AND FINANCIAL FREEDOM

Abdaal emphasizes that the ability to 'outsource' the demanding aspects of childcare, particularly by hiring help like a confinement nanny and a housekeeper, has dramatically eased his experience. This is made possible by financial freedom, cultivated through skills in personal productivity and financial independence developed over years. Having the financial resources allows parents to delegate night shifts and other intensive tasks, enabling them to engage with their child on their own terms and maintain better mental and physical health. This privilege is seen as a key differentiator from the struggles faced by many other parents.

THE MOTHER'S EXPERIENCE VS. THE FATHER'S PRIVILEGE

While Abdaal's experience as a father has been relatively 'chill,' he acknowledges that his wife, Izzy, has faced significantly greater challenges due to biological factors like pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding, as well as the immense hormonal and emotional shifts post-partum. He notes that while fathers have optional involvement, mothers bear fundamental biological responsibilities that are not easily outsourced. Furthermore, the cognitive labor of planning and strategizing baby care also falls heavily on mothers, adding another layer of burden.

MONEY AS A TOOL FOR WELL-BEING AND OPTIONS

The value of money is re-evaluated through the lens of having a child. Abdaal argues that financial resources are not just about accumulation but about acquiring options and removing problems. This includes affording better healthcare during childbirth, covering unexpected medical expenses for the baby, and crucially, hiring domestic help to alleviate the immense stress of newborn care. He stresses that money enables healthier partnerships and better mental health by removing the struggle associated with night shifts and constant childcare demands.

FOSTERING MINDFULNESS AND A SENSE OF PURPOSE

Beyond reducing hardship, having a baby has prompted Abdaal to slow down, become more present, and find a deeper sense of purpose in his work. He experiences moments of calm and mindfulness while holding his child and finds that the responsibility of providing for his family has made his work feel more meaningful and less driven by his personal feelings or motivation levels. This shift has led to increased contentment and fulfillment, even when undertaking tasks he doesn't initially feel inclined to do.

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Common Questions

The speaker felt he was 'cheating' because he experienced the joys of fatherhood without the significant struggles and suffering that are commonly associated with raising a newborn. His privileged situation in Hong Kong with available and affordable domestic help allowed him to outsource many of the challenging tasks, unlike many parents.