Key Moments
How to Find Your Purpose (W/ Yara Shahidi) | How to Be a Better Human | TED
TEDx TalksKey Moments
Actress Yara Shahidi found purpose by embracing diverse interests, from acting to academia, and advocates for "hard yes" lists to cultivate joy amidst challenges.
Key Insights
Optimism is defined not by good days, but by how one perseveres through worst days, acting as a practice rather than a feeling.
Yara Shahidi developed a "hard yes" list to actively cultivate joy and self-care by identifying and prioritizing activities that bring undeniable happiness.
The "highest order" framework suggests prioritizing actions based on core values, acknowledging that different highest orders (e.g., impact vs. wealth creation) are valid.
Embracing the state of being 'bad' at something new, rather than avoiding it due to fear of embarrassment, leads to greater joy, hobbies, and personal growth.
Historical perspective, such as reflecting on the multi-generational fight for civil rights in 1963, provides hope by highlighting past resilience in difficult times.
Social media's pressure to comment on every issue can be detrimental, leading to a need to be "well-studied" before offering opinions and allowing space for personal growth.
Navigating 'either/or' choices to embrace diverse passions
Yara Shahidi recounts a pivotal moment in 2018 when her acting career, specifically the show 'Grown-ish,' was launching its second season just as she was starting her freshman year at Harvard. This presented a dilemma: her passion for acting, which offered empathy and fantasy exploration, seemed to clash with her academic pursuits, driven by an insatiable desire to understand the world and her place in it. Academic and industry advisors suggested these two worlds were incompatible, pushing her towards an "either/or" choice. Shahidi felt paralyzed by the question, "Are you sure about that?" However, having graduated from Harvard and with 'Grown-ish' concluding, she now views these crossroads not with terror, but with excitement, recognizing that her next adventure lies in the space between her diverse interests, from "the Glocken Spiel to Octavia Butler." This experience underscores the importance of honoring one's interests to build a life centered on authenticity, allowing for brave steps towards the unknown.
Optimism as a practice for action, not passive hope
Shahidi defines optimism not as a naive state of constant hope but as an active practice essential for moving forward. She contrasts this with pessimism, which she found to be easy but unproductive, leading to inaction due to over-analysis of potential failures. Her earlier experience at 18, filled with civic hope after gaining the right to vote, quickly turned into a period of doubt and questioning the impact of individual actions. Even attending college compounded this feeling, as social science studies often encourage critique without immediate solutions. Shahidi realized that even with a degree of naivety, hopeful action yields more results than dwelling on pessimism. Optimism, therefore, is the consideration that while one might not achieve everything, taking action means doing more than doing nothing. This perspective is particularly crucial in youth, where time is abundant and inaction is a missed opportunity. This practice of optimism requires constant cultivation, especially when faced with the complexities of the world, and is best achieved through conversation and a willingness to learn.
The "hard yes" list: a tool for emotional reset
To combat feelings of overwhelm and protect against pessimism, Shahidi developed a "hard yes" list with her mother and business partner, Carrie Shahidi. This practice emerged from a "year of no," where she intentionally exercised her free will to be more selective about her time and energy. This was followed by a "year of yes," but not just any yes; it was about being discerning about what was truly beneficial for her life journey. The "hard yes" list is a personal arsenal of things that bring undeniable joy, ranging from simple pleasures like a color or a food to profound experiences like a meaningful conversation. The intention is to have these readily available to provide a "material reset" during difficult moments, shifting from mere perseverance to active self-care. By paying attention to experiences that fill her up, like live music or coffee with friends, and noting what lifts her mood (e.g., adding color to her wardrobe), she has built a diverse collection of tools to turn to. This practice emphasizes active observation of one's daily life and prioritizing moments of genuine happiness.
History as a source of hope and resilience
When the "door of possibility" feels shut, Shahidi turns to history for hope, reminding herself of societal moments that, despite immense difficulty, were pushed through by dedicated individuals. Her tattoo, '63, commemorates 1963, a year symbolizing the extensive work of people fighting for a future they might not see but knew was necessary. This historical perspective frames her work as both self-serving for the present and altruistic for the future. It reinforces the idea that progress is often generational and that current challenges, while daunting, are part of a continuum of human effort. This historical grounding helps contextualize personal struggles within a larger narrative of societal change and resilience, reminding us that difficult periods have been navigated before.
The "highest order": defining personal priorities
In navigating times when the "next thing" isn't clear or when faced with shifting public opinion, Shahidi points to the concept of "highest order." This framework, discussed within her family, encourages identifying 3-5 core priorities that drive one's actions and life purpose. It can be applied broadly, like striving for a life of purpose and impact, or narrowly, such as prioritizing information sharing and accessibility for a specific project. Shahidi stresses that there isn't a hierarchy of highest orders, but rather that understanding one's own helps in making decisions and staying true to oneself, especially when external validation or popular opinion wavers. This internal compass is crucial for maintaining direction and integrity in a complex world.
Embracing the 'amateur' to unlock joy and growth
Shahidi actively embraces being 'bad' at new things as a counter-approach to the pressure of expertise. This new pursuit stems from a past discomfort with public failure, illustrated by a tearful moment in a gym class when she couldn't cartwheel. This experience prompted her to intentionally seek out situations where she is an amateur, finding immense joy in hobbies like watercoloring and crocheting, even if imperfectly executed. She believes that vulnerability in not being exceptional can foster connection, making one more relatable than someone who is superlatively skilled. This willingness to be a beginner opens doors that might otherwise be closed by fear of embarrassment, enriching her life with fun activities that lack the pressure of mastery. This philosophy challenges the notion that success requires constant expertise and highlights the value of dabbling with joy.
Defining self beyond external anchors like career and education
Shahidi reflects on the challenge of defining herself after major life anchors, like graduating from Harvard and the conclusion of 'Grown-ish,' disappeared. For years, her identity was strongly tied to being a "student" and an "actor," providing a structure and external validation through grades and career milestones. The sudden shift to having undefined time and the absence of these anchors was overwhelming. She found a way forward by returning to the question of her "highest order," focusing on what genuinely moves her. This process involves constant conversation with others, realizing that many people navigate similar life transitions at different ages. She shares her grandfather's perspective, who at a similar life stage, is also grappling with purpose and finding ways to make it through each phase together, seeking answers that are sufficient for the present moment.
The value of being a "well-studied" voice
Shahidi discusses the modern pressure, amplified by social media, to have an immediate opinion on every event. She contrasts this with the importance of being "well-studied" and thoughtful before speaking. Her own experience, starting in acting at 14 on a show tackling big topics, meant she often had a public platform without fully developed opinions. Her time at Harvard provided the space to dive deep into subjects she cared about, allowing her to integrate her activism with a more informed perspective. She emphasizes that it's okay to admit a lack of knowledge or defer to experts. This approach is crucial for having an impactful voice that is grounded in understanding, rather than performative commentary. Believing in personal growth and the capacity for change is fundamental to this optimistic outlook, suggesting that past mistakes or current ignorance do not define an individual's future potential.
Mentioned in This Episode
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Common Questions
Yara Shahidi suggests turning to history for examples of collective efforts through difficult times, and practical methods like creating a 'hard yes list.' This list includes things that bring you joy and serve as an arsenal to fall back on during challenging periods, providing a material reset.
Topics
Mentioned in this video
A formidable author whose short story profoundly impacted Yara Shahidi at age 13.
An influential science fiction author whose work is among Yara Shahidi's varied interests.
An actor, producer, and co-creator of the Optimist Project, discussing finding purpose and navigating life's complexities.
Mentioned for a joke about money not making people happy, yet individuals still wanting to discover this for themselves.
A musician whose video using a talk box (an early form of autotune) is admired by Yara Shahidi.
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