How can I stop being so hard on myself, like an athlete?

The speaker suggests three tools: 1) Talk to yourself like a supportive teammate or coach, using constructive language. 2) Reframe success to focus on your process and how you show up, not just the win or loss. 3) Build a gratitude practice to notice the good in the present moment, especially during difficult times.

What is the first practical tool to reduce self-criticism?

The first tool is to talk to yourself like a teammate. Consider what a supportive coach would say to you in a challenging situation and practice using that kinder, more constructive voice internally.

How can I redefine success to feel more fulfilled?

Instead of focusing solely on outcomes like winning or achieving a specific result, redefine success by evaluating your preparation, your effort, your teamwork, and your ability to stay present. This allows for pride even when things don't go perfectly according to plan.

What is the benefit of a gratitude practice?

Gratitude helps you see the good that exists right now, even amidst difficulties. Science shows it's central to mental well-being, resilience, and performance. It reminds you of love and connection, offering a quiet power.

Is joy about achievement or a mindset?

The speaker emphasizes that joy is a mindset and a choice, not something earned solely through achieving goals or reaching perfect outcomes. It is found in moments of presence and connection, and we can choose to experience it regardless of external results.

3 ways to be less hard on yourself | Lisa Weagle | TEDxMechanicsville

TED

Nonprofits & Activism4 min read13 min video

Mar 10, 2026|9,364 views|383|13

Achievement Connection English Life Mindfulness Personal growth Self improvement Sports TEDxTalks [TEDxEID:64233]

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Key Moments

TL;DR

Learn to be less hard on yourself by talking like a teammate, reframing success, and practicing gratitude.

Key Insights

The inner critic doesn't disappear with achievement; it can even amplify under higher stakes.

Joy is a choice and a mindset, not a reward for achieving goals or a constant state of happiness.

Treat yourself with the same kindness and constructive feedback you would offer a teammate or coach.

Redefine success to include the process, effort, and how you show up, not just the final outcome.

Cultivating a gratitude practice, especially during difficult times, fosters resilience and presence.

Joy and presence are cultivated through everyday moments, not solely through major accomplishments.

THE ILLUSION OF ACHIEVING INNER PEACE THROUGH GOALS

Many people, like Olympian Lisa Weagle, believe that reaching significant goals will silence their inner critic and bring lasting happiness. Growing up, Weagle envisioned athletes as fearless and confident, assuming that achieving elite status would eliminate self-doubt. However, upon becoming an Olympian herself, she discovered that this was not the case. The pressure and expectations intensified, making the critical inner voice even more prominent. This common experience highlights a flawed belief system where happiness is conditional on external achievements, leading to a perpetual cycle of chasing milestones without sustained fulfillment.

THE CRIPPLING EFFECT OF THE INNER CRITIC

The inner critic, characterized by negative self-talk, often intensifies when stakes are high, as seen in Weagle's experience at the 2018 Olympics. A devastating headline about her team's performance validated her deepest insecurities, reinforcing beliefs of failure. Even after winning a world championship, the feeling was relief rather than pure joy, indicating that success didn't quell the critical voice. This situation prompts a crucial question: what is the point of achieving if the process and the accomplishment itself cannot be enjoyed? This realization marks a turning point, shifting focus from external validation to internal well-being and the pursuit of genuine contentment.

TOOL 1: SPEAK TO YOURSELF LIKE A TRUSTED TEAMMATE

Weagle emphasizes the importance of transforming one's inner monologue from critical to constructive. Our brains are wired for survival, often fixating on negatives. If uncomfortable with how we speak to ourselves, we should envision a supportive coach or teammate offering encouragement. This practice, utilizing motivational self-talk, can enhance focus, performance, and confidence while reducing anxiety in various challenging situations. By pausing during negative self-talk spirals and asking what a caring friend would say, one can begin to cultivate a kinder, more effective inner voice that supports, rather than undermines, performance and well-being.

TOOL 2: REFRAME SUCCESS BEYOND OUTCOMES

Traditional definitions of success, particularly in elite sports and life, are often binary—win or lose, achieve or fail. This narrow perspective overlooks the valuable 'in-between' moments and the process itself. Weagle suggests redefining success to encompass how we show up, the effort we invest, and the journey we undertake, rather than solely focusing on results like job promotions or perfect photos. By asking questions such as 'Did I prepare well?' or 'Was I present?', individuals can find satisfaction in controllable aspects, allowing for pride even when outcomes are not as planned. This shift acknowledges that joy is integral to performance, not a distraction from it.

TOOL 3: CULTIVATE A GRATITUDE PRACTICE

Building a gratitude practice is essential for recognizing the good in our lives, especially during difficult times. Positive psychology research confirms that gratitude enhances mental well-being, resilience, and performance. Weagle and her husband engage in a nightly ritual of sharing three things they are grateful for, a practice that strengthens connection and provides perspective. The true power of gratitude emerges not when things are easy, but when challenges arise, serving as an anchor to love and connection even amidst conflict. This practice requires presence, shifting focus from past regrets or future anxieties to appreciating the current moment.

INTEGRATING THE TOOLS FOR A SHIFT IN PERSPECTIVE

Applying these tools can fundamentally change how we handle setbacks, like the one faced by Weagle at the Olympics. Instead of dwelling on a negative headline, one can address it by speaking kindly to oneself, acknowledging the effort and journey, and reframing the experience as a learning opportunity. Success is then redefined by growth and dedication, not just medals. Gratitude for support systems and the love of the sport further solidifies a more balanced perspective. This proactive approach allows individuals to catch negative self-talk, adjust their mindset, and consciously choose to see abundance rather than lack.

JOY AS A MINDSET, NOT A DESTINATION

Ultimately, Weagle conveys that joy is not something to be earned through grand achievements or found only when circumstances are perfect. It is a mindset and a choice accessible in the present moment. True fulfillment comes from recognizing one's inherent worth, independent of outcomes, and appreciating the journey. By embracing self-compassion, redefining success, and practicing gratitude, individuals can lessen the grip of their inner critic and cultivate a more joyful, present, and fulfilling life, starting now, just as they are.

Mentioned in This Episode

●Organizations

●Concepts

3 Ways to Be Less Hard on Yourself

Practical takeaways from this episode

Do This

Talk to yourself like a supportive teammate or coach.

Reframe success to include your process, preparation, and how you show up, not just the outcome.

Build a daily gratitude practice, saying or writing down things you are thankful for.

When caught in negative self-talk, pause and ask if you'd say that to a friend.

Focus on presence and connection for joy, rather than waiting for perfect outcomes.

When things are hard, lean on gratitude to remind you of love and connection.

Avoid This

Wait for external achievements (promotion, medals) to feel happy or 'enough'.

Let your inner critic dictate your self-worth based on outcomes.

Believe that joy is only found in big wins or when everything is perfect.

Allow critical self-talk to go unchecked; actively rewrite your inner script.

Obsess over outcomes and forget to value the journey and the effort put in.

Common Questions

The speaker explains that the inner critic doesn't vanish with success; stakes and expectations can increase, making the voice louder. She realized that achieving goals doesn't automatically silence the negative self-talk, and the joy found can be fleeting.

Topics

Curling Olympics Self-talk

Mentioned in this video

organizationGlobe and Mail

A newspaper that published a headline after the 2018 Olympics that deeply affected the speaker, validating her inner critic.

conceptpositive psychology

The field that provides scientific backing for the benefits of a gratitude practice on mental well-being, resilience, and performance.

conceptOlympics

The speaker uses her childhood experience watching the Olympics and her own participation as a central narrative to discuss self-criticism and the pursuit of goals.